Note to self, use the word “germane” more in everyday conversation.

“It’s in the quiet moments that we find out who we really are in this life.” ~ Gilbert Gottfried

I'm bummed this isn't the year 1100, so Pope Leo could just depose monarch Trump.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I went to the park and apparently

Dressing up with shiny bits and baubles on for my hike so a murder of crows pick me up and carry me home with them

I bet that couple from the Big Red commercial is still kissing.

Peter Parker should have to molt like other spiders.

The First LSD Trip Was a Literal Bicycle Ride 83 Years Ago. Fans of the Psychedelic Celebrate the Occasion Every April 19 In 1943, a chemist in Switzerland synthesized a drug that alters consciousness. His discovery changed the study of medicine, psychiatry and biology—and became a central component of the counterculture...

Happy bicycle day bsky

www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/t...

I’d probably hate getting thrown into a pit full of vipers, but I’d do it just for the story.

The meaning of life— like that’s going to help.

If you didn't like that one, don't worry, there will be another one to like even less after that

you know how the car feels when you suddenly get a flat tire when driving

that’s my circle of life

Oh it turns out that vanquishing the college student who uses they/them in their email signature is not bringing you the fulfillment that you hoped for? You are still working in your crappy and unfulfilling job, paying a mortgage you now can't afford, and dealing with your annoying kids... I see.

Prime Minister Carney has to be the most accomplished of all carneys. And he gets free carnival rides for life. Bonus!

caddy is short for cat daddy

Imagine having the arrogance to be yourself

turns out saying “my neural pathways have become accustomed to your sensory inputs” does not get you laid

Somewhere out there is someone who doesn’t like mac and cheese. If we ever meet, I hope I can show compassion.

My brother was a breech baby. It took years to get him to stop coming through doorways butt first.

I love sleep and sleep loves me but we're in an off and on again relationship every day and night.

NYT California articles

Search for California in NYT and these are the first two articles that come up. What is happening California??😂

When two bald dudes are arguing, and one gets burned, he says toupée!

My blood type is og kush

There's no two ways about it.

~me at a threeway

please clap

#Cat
#Caturday

finally going to finish my geocities website tonight

Use asparagi as the plural of asparagus to keep everyone on their toes.

Barry Gibbs sounds like he's always about to sneeze. Aahhh aaAhhh aaaahhhhhh

Most people don't know that when Bill Withers was singing Ain't No Sunshine, and he repeats "I know" about 50 times, it was because he was distracted by a spider crawling up his leg.

*shouting math equations at my smart toaster

YOU AIN'T SO SMART NOW, ARE YA?!