"Human" is my fursona

I do genuinely think that my spirit animal is the human. Easily the animal that I relate to the most.

whenever I see the tip defaulted to 30% on one of those nifty machines it feels like friendly fire in the class war

Pass me that hammer. I wanna go ham on some stuff.

Staging a piece of floss between my molars so the dental hygienist doesn't even ask

Love to promise things by EOD. Who can say when the day ends, really?

"Only Time"
-Enya

If i die trying to kick the mirror of a car parked in the bike lane that would be a beautiful death

Trucks are gender-affirming care

I enrolled at a mega church, so now I get to worship mega god

The dishwasher is the most coddled appliance. You have to do its job before it can do its job.

It's 4/20 somewhere

If you want to see a beautiful dressage performance set to Beatles music go to Facebook and check out my latest post. It is incredible. 4:39 PM

how am i supposed to answer this text from my mom

"mom I love you but lose my number"

Trucks are gender-affirming care

Introvert cafe

and push! send

business doula: keep emailing!

Changed my morning alarm to Cat Hairball. No more snooze!

My favorite sex position is reverse cowgirl. Which is the same as regular cowgirl, except she can bang in the sunlight.

Fry, at Bender's apartment: Where's your bathroom?

Bender: The what room?

Fry: The bathroom.

Bender: The bath what?

Fry: The bathroom.

Bender: The what what?

Requisition me a beat!

their full name is Silversun Light-Duty Pickup Trucks but they shortened it for merch

Happy birthday, to weed

do not “touch base” with me you fucking pervert

It's crazy how a bowl of cereal isn't considered a meal, but 2 bowls of cereal is.

I had to eat my traditional Spanish rice dish without musical accompaniment. Totally acapaella.

My favorite sex position is reverse cowgirl. Which is the same as regular cowgirl, except she can bang in the sunlight.

They were entirely Big & Tall stores

I bet dinosaur malls were MASSIVE