OMG, HEY GIRL! So yeah, what a tape measure! HOO BOY! FUCK I LOVE THIS FUCKING TAPE MEASURE SO FUCKEN MUCH!! Hard to even put it into WORDS how much better my life is now, and it's all because of this tape measure.
I am SO VERY GLAD you persisted on this. I would not have replied to only 12 emails.
HOME DEPOT: Hey man, been emailing you for a couple of weeks now. How's that tape measure working out for you? How have you been? Everything good? Just want to know your thoughts, especially on that tape measure... whenever you get a chance.
please sign my petition to bring back HumanPog [hands you a kohls cash with the word "jeff" written on it]
I am asking this question as well, for a friend
it's me I'm my friend
"EXACTLY WHAT GEORGE WASHINGTON WOULD DO!!" screams a man with a very, very smooth brain.
HOT TIP: If you can't make a cogent point without having AI generate some slop for you, then you can't make a cogent point.
Google tv homescreen with confusing graphic including the poster image from Saving Private Ryan with the title Charlie's Angels
These reboots have gone too far man
This is a really good point.
The difference is that people who read The Onion knew it was satire.
Goofy with the caption I'll fuckin do it again
There was a great sketch on The Dana Carvey Show called Germans Shouting Compliments. It was Carvey and Steve Carrell. One of them shouted, "YOU WOULD LOOK VERY NICE IN A TUBE TOP."
That is all.
Normalize minding your own fucken business when you see someone doing something you wouldn't do and what they are doing isn't hurting you or anyone else.
Man in glasses with a beard, wearing a purple polo shirt
Specs!
That's just Dave, Dave's cool
Like dogs chasing cars. Canceled the deal with no immediate plan to replace it, only to quickly realize how dangerous it is to have no deal and that Iran isn't scared of Trump's tough talk.
So then we go into war crimes mode, panic, spin, threaten genocide, rinse, repeat...
Shame that people can't just run for office and represent their constituents without taking evil money and having their lives exploited.
I wish Rep. Stevens could sit Rep. Barrett down and explain the concept of answering to one's constituents in Michigan.
Remember when Congress was a representative body and members' votes aligned with their constituents' opinions, not with the members' party?
Yeah me either.
ok but what would MLB superstar Fred McGriff say?
Get some Ripple milk. Gamechanger! #Gamechanger
The word "study" feels out of place here. Did he have IRB approval? And, maybe more importantly, does he know that hooking up a dead animal's penis to a car battery does not constitute a study?
Maybe it's just me, but it feels like the entire line of succession is stacked, top to bottom, with people no one wants to see take over the presidency.
It doesn't mean that impeachment shouldn't happen. It should.
But then what? I mean that sincerely. What changes, really?
Competent leaders would know when the orders are illegal.
Hegseth is a stooge and no one will do more while thinking less about the consequences.
Finally, someone is stepping up and taking a side in the long-standing feud between Catholics and Republicans. Brilliant election year strategery.
Fact: Humans swallow, on average, 18,000 pounds of spiders per second.
It's my birthday today and I am WAY behind on my monthly quota for likes and reskeets, please respond
Serious Question about Succession:
Hypothetically, if the House and Senate flip and Trump is impeached and convicted, VP would become President, immediately. If he is also impeached/convicted, it moves down the line.
So what's the endgame? Eventually you get to Hegseth, RFKjr...
Pee Wee Herman implies the existence of Varsity Herman.
BMX stands for Bike Master Xylophone.
Andy Richter liked my skeet and he's gonna tell Conan about it and Conan's gonna have me on his podcast and we'll become best friends and he'll ask me to take over his weird comedy empire
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
Yeah that is a thing. Ride the wave and tell us some facts about mermaids.