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WaPo website replaced search with AI and it's going great

they should just write to the prescription for this when you give birth so you can call it right in

NO. Ugh terrible, I’m sorry

Have somehow drifted down to 9lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight but it’s probably because I’m dehydrated and my whole house has been sick for a month.

I enjoy the framing of yeah, ok, I cheat on my wife with people I employ but not like THAT

Scenes from parenting: husband singing “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t do anything crazy with your legs right now” to the baby mid diaper change.

Okay CTA. This is a good sign.

logging into the Facebook true crime group to be the 27th person to post a link to a day-old story about the Long Island serial killer pleading guilty: “hey did anyone see this?? thoughts??”

The baby has taken to calling the Tubby Todd face lotion “tee tah” and signs “more” because he would like to eat it.

Gonna have to put up a lil sign on my community garden plot that’s like “0 days without a sexist comment from a boomer.” Apparently I “shouldn’t tell my husband I’m using his pull saw to dig a hole, it’ll be the end for me.” (I was not?? That wouldn’t even work??)

Sitting here trying to remember what justification the president gave for starting a war in the first place, and I literally can’t.

Baby crawls up the stairs to his crib. “Night night?”, I ask. “Nigh nigh” he confirms, and tries to pull himself over the rails and into bed. I got so lucky with the baby sleep thing. He fuckin loves sleeping.

Me: can you say Jasper?
Baby: jah-puh
Me: !!!!!!

There’s a lot to love about northwest Philly, but nothing makes my kid blow chunks like a trip down Lincoln Drive.

It upsets me because I truly can't tell if everyone believes their own posts or if secretly they all know this sucks but they feel like they have to do it.

Linkedin is such an uncanny valley now. A former coworker posts "the race is now to do [x]". The top comment is "the race is on to do [x]!" The next comment is "the race is on to do [x reworded slightly]." Engagement!

I am in awe at how many connections the baby is making. He uses a tiny dustpan brush to "sweep" the floor after dinner. He just stole my husband's keys and marched them to the door and tried to shove them in the doorknob. Last night he kept saying "coo-king" and trying to stir onions with a spoon.

Baby had trouble sleeping so I went to stay with him. We wake up at 6. Him: [looks at me] “dada.”

Oh no I tweeted something at 2am on cough syrup and now people are following me. Hi, I’m a burned-out ux designer with a 14mo-old toddler. Mostly all I do is post about what words he’s trying to say, because that at least is kind of joyful.

Encouraging...?

Yes, I feel this way too! I don't really desire to reenter the world of someone I've decided I don't respect. Spending time there isn't fun and there are so many other places to spend time.

Me: the ball rolled away!
Baby: away ya ya [throws another ball] away!

Maybe the one person i’d struggle with is Andrew Bird? Like if you told me he secretly spends all his money deporting babies I would be genuinely sad. But I think I’d still just remove his albums from my phone and call it a day.

I don’t have to jump through a bunch of complex hoops to separate the art from the artist. I just go oh, I won’t be sorting my offspring into hufflepuff and that’s fine, I don’t give two shits.

Something I occasionally feel weird about is that I have no trouble, when I find out a creator or author or someone is a shitty person, just not consuming their stuff anymore. It’s like nothing I consume becomes part of how I think of my identity at all.

Someone explain to me why I remember the Doom god cheat code and how to post to twitter from your phone 20 years ago, but I can't remember to run the dishwasher before bed.

Text 40404

A new Bilal failing I didn't know about:

Sometimes I see reddit shit like "I got my microblading (a thing where you subtly tattoo your eyebrows darker) and over 4 years they blurred and spread so much that I've spent $1k lasering them back off" and I wonder how the fuck women got here.

Me: can you say please?
Baby: piss
Me: perfect, no notes