a man in a yellow vest and black pants is dancing . ALT: a man in a yellow vest and black pants is dancing .

Stop. Hammock time!

Albertsons.

“Man, the grocery store is playing some real bangers today,” he said just before he tripped and fell into a giant puddle of middle age.

Another beautiful Spring day where I walk outside and wonder: Is it lightly raining or are birds peeing on my head?

Thinking about renaming people I don’t want to talk to as “Spam Risk” in my phone.

a close up of jerry from tom and jerry looking at the camera ALT: a close up of jerry from tom and jerry looking at the camera

TFW you hit your move goal on trips back and forth to the buffet line.

Trying to hit my move goal with trips to and from the buffet.

Time for a traditional three Cadbury Egg Easter morning omelette.

If I didn’t watch Artemis I, am I going to be totally lost watching Artemis II?

a man says " you want me on that wall " while looking at the camera ALT: a man says " you want me on that wall " while looking at the camera

My dog every time I ask her to stop barking at squirrels in the back yard.

Based on the spam texts I keep getting there are apparently roving gangs of roofers and tree trimmers every week that just wander my neighborhood looking for problems to solve. You’d think by now they’d have fixed it all. 🤔

“Our originalism begins with the ordinary public meaning…at Creation.”

“There’s a case that says x”

Narrator: there was not.

You think AI invented hallucinated cases? I’ve had lawyers telling me about nonexistent cases for years.

Sometimes in litigation you find yourself opposite what I call the YOLO lawyer:

I’d like to take it easy
I’d like to play it cool
But girl I wanna move faster
Than the new Texas MSJ rule.

#lawyervalentines

You’re the perfect partner
You mean the world me
Our love’s more unbelievable
Than a brief from chatGPT.

#lawyervalentines

The Anders brief. No, not that one. The kind where I accidentally misspell my name in the signature block.

8. The foot fetish brief. Has all the citations in footnotes. They say it’s about readability. But we know what’s up.

7. The Duolingo brief. I should understand what they are talking about. They use words I know. But I need to run it through some kind of translator to understand what they are trying to say.

5. The creme brûlée brief. On the surface it seems supported and crisp. But dig just a little bit and…

6. The alternate reality brief. It seems to be describing a case that took place in a completely different universe than yours.

3. The Mr. Potatohead brief. Technically it has all the parts. But they’re in all sorts of weird spots.

4. The Frankenbrief. Clearly someone chopped up pieces of a bunch of other briefs and, unfortunately, brought them back to life in some weird uncomfortable form.

2. The dadbod brief. Maybe it could have been an Olympian. But it’s got some extra here there and in the middle. And honestly, with all those other little cases running around, who’s got time and energy for that?

The angry dadbod brief has a bunch of weird capitalization, bold, and italics.

I’ve been working on a helpful taxonomy to describe the types of briefs I see in cases. Here’s a 🧵

1. The Olympian brief. You see it maybe once every few years. Peak form and performance. Lean, disciplined, top of its game. May involve performance enhancing drugs.

Somehow in January I did twice as much as I expected yet only accomplished half of what I’d planned.

It should have been the B side.

Thun-der-sleet!

The weather is forecasting “Thundersleet,” which sounds like the greatest German metal band that should have existed.

a man with ice on his face is standing in a snowy field ALT: a man with ice on his face is standing in a snowy field

Weekend plans:

“Oh pho,” I said as I spilled soup on myself at lunch today.