in new york i am expected to know things

i don't know who i am on here which is becoming more inviting than intimidating

and if you don't give it, or do forgive but do not/cannot magically reset your relationship back to how it was before the harm and its effects, you're the bad guy, you're dramatic, you can't move past things, blah blah blah lmao

anyway as of last month i live by myself for the first time ever and cooking for myself for the first time in 2+ years and in a permanent space that is restful and restorative and it is already doing INSANE things for my mind and heart and overall wellbeing and life

<333 hi chris / thank you chris / if i manage to get into bluesky this time around it will spring from an impulse that is as always at least 20% fueled by "man i miss sharing a timeline with chris i should go see what's going on over there"

so many things have broken my fucking heart this year and exactly none of them in a romantic way. like i can't even robyn my way through it? cruel

sorry and also solidarity

it used to terrify me as some ultimate damning confirmation of my fundamental aloneness in life but actually, despite many people's best effors, my life is so full & that fullness so sturdy that i'm just like "hell yeah i get to read n&cook in my cozy new apartment & then go dancing with my friends"

so exhausted and overall demolished (but not defeated, bitch) by this year that i am spending it in new york for the first time since moving here, at least partly by myself, and i'm... excited?

i am a broken record of "this year has been so difficult" but this year has been so difficult

hello

I did a minor good deed this morning, which made me miss my subway train, so I took an expensive cab instead. I briefly (sarcastically) thought: "I will never help anyone ever again." And then I realized that's the full sincere thought process of like 50% of newspaper op-ed columnists.

what’s going on over here

you are normal

beautiful day for catholic trump supporters to be reminded by mandate of god that they are going to hell

neet to get better at just being like "wow that person has a miserable outlook and disposition. sucks to suck. anyway," instead of getting bummed out for an entire day about how different things could be for them

<333

actual title is gonna be at least a lil different this is just my big reminder to stare at. my "do it for her"

writing a million thousand word essay for three people and i am one of them

sorry but the weather this week is my fault i kept asking god for just one more round of trenchcoat weather sorry sorry sorry sorry

getting really into plausible deniability lately

does anyone know when my self esteem will return from war

feeling very tender today and i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that i woke up being softly sweetly headbutted by my friend's cat

i've been in truly such an abysmal body image/self esteem zone for so many months but i feel myself crawling out of it mostly by remembering that walking fixes all of my problems

really good post

not me though

i got one frozen negroni and one narragansett and when i left the bar it was the perfect temperature and i walked home listening to faye webster :) yayyyyyy

grief and loss and trauma and extremely stupid heartbreak and etc are for some reason currently (aka for many months now) showing up in my life as extreme self-esteem issues and funhouse mirror dysmorphia and it is a really really really bad time

i am having an extremely hard time but i love my friends and iced coffee and etc

hello