I am so fucking tempted to give House Speaker Mike Johnson tickets to #LVFC2026 I’ll even include airplane tickets, a Lyft, and a hotel room to boot.

That was a suit?

A diagonal screenshot on Elon Musk’s grokipedia page. When asked what’s wrong with it, it says “this needs to be more descriptive so that I can masturbate to it.”

We’re doing our part! #grokipedia

We should have shipped a “custom” couch to @jd-vance-1.bsky.social last week. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Sam Rivers, the founding bassist of Limp Bizkit, has died aged 48.

SOMEONE GIVE US BLOOD THE MOSQUITOES ARE BACK.

Our Gods request a Pepe version to ensure a bountiful harvest.

KMART will punish you severely for violating the Hatch Act soon.

We at Kmart agree.

Kmart here!
We have some news to share with you.

Even we won’t fucking hire you.

Hi Toby! Big issue, we only stock physical media and we can’t sell this. We’ll take one copy for one morbillion dollars though! Thanks!
- Kmart Support

666.

MY FUCKING PTSD HIT ME AGAIN

To the customer who refund300 dollars, we’ll pop a glock and make a brain slushee.

Addressing The Controversy... YouTube video by SomeOrdinaryGamers

Get your new #bestdeal by checking out one of regular customer’s comments here!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=TIzk...

Attention Kmart Shoppers! We’ve made a horrible mistake this year and we’re truly sorry for unleashing him again!

Attention Kmart shoppers! I made the fucking mistake of uploading an earlier version of something and it got graded. WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT???? AHHHHHHHHBBBB #college

Who wants rat flavored slushies??? Only at Target! Totally ratastic!!

We’ve just declared war against the rats that’s crawling in our ceiling.

I kinda want to make a cult dedicated to Kmart brb - Local Intern

We had to stack a bunch of these little circular shots all over today, we wish one of us to take a picture. We’re pretty sure that we lost one of our employees by these things. BUY AT YOUR OWN RISK!

In this store, we throw all furries into the ParanoiaScape dimension. :)))))))

Folding Ideas be like: I hate everything except Warcraft.

I need to shit so fucking bad dear fucking lord.

Our only Cyber Monday is getting 75% off corn. Send that shit to your enemies bub.

We’re trying a new seasoning from Henry Kissinger’s ashes. Expect it soon.
- Food Department

Attention K-Mart Shoppers! Someone has violated Matthew 24:4-5! Throwing rocks are now half off this Black Friday!!

THE MUMMIES ARE COMING AFTER JOHN KERRY SOMEONE HELP US GET IN CONTACT WITH HIM!!!

Don’t think we forgot about that CD you stole. Give it us or we will gr8uNHV_iW8 your sweetcheeks all the way to Alpha Centuri.