May I live this day
Compassionate of heart,
Clear in word,
Gracious in awareness,
Courageous in thought,
Generous in love.

—John O’Donohue

New Breath, New Light An Easter Poem

An Easter poem

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On this day that undoes self-exaltation, I’m reflecting on when narcissism comes to…therapy.

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This passage is with me this morning as I’m traveling down to Kentucky amidst O’Hare’s inevitable delays for a handful of talks on wholeheartedness, narcissism, trauma, and more.

Slower. Shaky. Stumbling.

I feel seen.

Happy 6th to this one!

The Weight of the World in Our Nervous Systems Why constant exposure to global suffering overwhelms your capacity to care—and how to keep your heart open

Our nervous systems evolved to respond to what is close and immediate. Today they’re asked to absorb suffering from across the globe. Do you feel the weight of this? 

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Is it Sin or a Style of Coping? How Doing The Deep Work of the Heart Requires Both

“Survival strategies eventually become morally consequential. What once helped us survive can eventually wound us—and the people around us.”

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Six years in the making and worth the wait—When Narcissism Comes to Church is now out in Spanish!

We have so much more language for emotional and spiritual health today compared to when I was trained in the mid 1990s, but it’s given us another place to hide, I suspect.

One of the things I explore in my next book on character formation is how so many of us who talk about “self-awareness“ are, paradoxically, so lacking in self-awareness.

Falling into Goodness: Daily Readings for Lent Falling into Goodness: Daily Readings for Lent [DeGroat, Chuck] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Falling into Goodness: Daily Readings for Lent

Your yearly invitation to consider using this Lenten guide - it’s quite different than anything you’ve seen before!

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25 years later, I’m watching it.

Years ago I taught an adult education class through the Book of Revelation. Going back through my teaching notes, I found this: What would a Christianity look like without the Beatitudes, the fruits of the spirit, the Christ hymn of Philippians 2, and the economic critique of Revelation 18?

Creating the Conditions for Deep Change Why Safety Matters More Than Confrontation in My Work With Narcissistic Men

What have I learned working with narcissistic men for nearly three decades?

That defenses don’t soften through pressure. They soften through presence.

That we’ve got to create the right conditions for deep change.

Read more:

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Autonomic Bullying How the Science of the Nervous System Invites Us to Honor Ourselves and Each Other

AUTONOMIC BULLYING happens when we presume authority over another person’s internal state and insist they override their embodied reality to meet our expectations.

It treats dysregulation as moral failure rather than embodied reality.

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Gaslighting is telling someone that what they know to be true — what they can see with their own two eyes — is false.

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She lived in a time where abuse was rampant, where authorities proclaimed, “We have the right reading of reality. Obey or pay!” She refused the game. She’d lead many into a new way of Jesus-following through humor, humility and ingenuity. I’d like to ask her how we might navigate our present times…

There’s lots of space for anger, confusion, even wrestling with he and his wife’s words. But be gentle with yourself. This might touch a deep pain that needs kind tending right now.

Love to all of you who saw the news about Philip Yancey and heard a tender part of you whispering within, “Is there anyone we can trust?”

Character isn’t declared nor is it performed. It grows in the quiet, where safety is present to foster integrity within, where love, joy, peace and more are not mere window-dressing but the fruits of an inner live cultivated in communion and connection, not division.

“We have grasped the mystery of the atom and rejected the Sermon on the Mount. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.”

-General Omar Bradley, Armistice Day, 1948

The new year is not an audition for a better self but an invitation to notice what no longer serves and what quietly wants to grow. 🌱

New Year's Longings Leaving "Resolutions" Behind | Listening From The Heart

New Year’s Longings: Leaving Resolutions Behind | Listening from the Heart open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...

"The great problem of our time is not to formulate clear answers to neat theoretical questions but to tackle the self-destructive alienation of man in a society dedicated in theory to human values and in practice to the pursuit of power for its own sake."

—Thomas Merton

“The Lord did not come to make a display.

He came to heal and to teach suffering humanity.”

—St. Athanasius, 4th c

“A great deal of injustice survives by self-ignorance. When you are poorly attuned to your own selfhood, it is easy to remain in denial about what fears, pain, and desires lead you to perpetuate suffering in the world, even your own. Reclaim practices of self-encounter.”
— Cole Arthur Riley

When the Mask Becomes the Face On ego-syntonic lives, character formation, and the courage to become real

People often ask me, “Does a narcissist realize he’s so egocentric?” Actually, from the inside out, everything seems fine.

Psychology calls this an ego-syntonic state—when patterns, defenses, and adaptations feel completely aligned with who someone thinks he is.

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