🎶 This is the dawning of the age of Incompetence

Age of Incompetence 🎶

You’re asking a lot of questions that are already answered by my “GARGLE MY BALLS, YOU FASCIST FUCKING PIG” t-shirt

Coup coup kajoob…

*seductively dabbing a fingertip of maple syrup behind my earlobes*

Wow, that dress that’s laying in a crumpled pile on your floor really makes your butt look amazing

Wanna find heart shaped rocks and throw them at each other..affectionately.

Mutually Assured Diddling

The raw sensuality of a peanut butter and raspberry jelly sandwich on a hot dog bun.

A trebuchet big enough to launch a 300-pound object into the sun.

Venmo @crankycricket

Chat I really hate doing this but I got slammed with a surprise $1200 bill and I don’t have enough money rn to pay the $480 in utility bills which are due immediately. So if you have a couple spare bucks to chip in I’d appreciate it and I’ll even post boobs later in appreciation.

Prince spaghetti would never spy on your family dinner table. Worst they would do is shout at you from an open apartment window, I suppose.

You kids and your fancy bathroom alchemy. Time was, all you need in the shower was a bar of soap, a can of Schlitz, and a crippling fear of intimacy

What, no Prell? We’re not savages after all

🎶 where have all the slampigs gone? 🎶

I forgot to compliment you on your luscious melon breasts tonight.

The spaghetti sauce is secretly recording you, and the garlic bread is stealing money out of your wallet.

For just the price of a cup of coffee a week, you could help buy me a cup of coffee a week.

Wanna strip down and disappoint each other for a while?

I just ate a box of Andes candies, wanna make out?

Kind of annoying that the baseball game has started but the beer vendor hasn’t been by my desk yet

There’s no way that guy observed the speed limit the entire way into Boston, my goodness

The wheelchair racers trying to get through Ashland and Framingham as fast as possible, which is a sound strategy 365 days a year

Happy Marathon Monday to all who observe

Oh well ☹️

too stressed to be blessed or whatever jesus said

a cartoon character is pointing at a chart that says disco record sales Alt: Disco Stu, one of the minor characters in the documentary series “The Simpsons”, showing that disco sales were climbing throughout the 1970’s, and if these trends continue…. Ayyyyyyy…

One period in the books 😵‍💫

In the first period of the first three-hour heart attack of the season. Here’s to hoping I get many more 😬

Trimming my ear hairs for Jesus

Tax the rich.

Eat the rich.

Fertilize our gardens with the composted remains of the rich and maybe a little vermiculite if needed.

Whoops, that yoga pants commercial was on again, now I got the itchy britches