the best part is how closing the account with destroy my credit for up to 7 years

when i moved back to the US in 2008 i got a dogshit credit-building card with a $200 limit and a 37% apr and never used it one single time

today, 18 years later, i am very proud to announce that they have finally offered me a credit line increase, to the princely sum of $600

a little white and ginger kitten playing with a fishing rod toy. he’s on his hind legs looking like a little ballerina

i’m obsessed with this picture of my friend’s cat, panko. it’s like 2 months old but i look at it every day

there is more fabric here than on half my clothing

pillowcases have no business being so fucking big

Baking set to opera. Found this weirdly satisfying.

black and white drawing of an underwater scene. a large bird sticking it's head into the water, surrounded by shocked fish

WHATS UP YOU WET MOTHERFUCKERS

this morning, mamdani’s team got in touch with me to float a new tax proposal: if your net worth exceeds $5 million and you dress badly, you’ll be hit with a 10% annual levy for “visual pollution.” i would be in charge of deciding if the outfits are bad.

We all have days like this

i wore this new dress for 5 fuckin minutes before i got blueberry slop all over it like some kind of porcine abomination

oh my god do i try

this may be the first time in my life I have experienced shame

unfortunately my bones feel so good I might become a disgusting summer enjoyer

BLUESKY IS A WEBSITE THAT TURNS (post by jay.bsky.team claiming that bluesky is made with AI) INTO (picture of bluesky not working)

as soon as the temperature is over 75 degrees my body becomes a vessel solely for the transportation of fluids from around my house to the bathroom

greg thank you for your valuable and important work in this field

waking up at ungodly hours just to nut without fainting. unbelievable.

not many people know this, but Barilla has a line of 3D printed pasta it sells mostly to the fine dining industry. I don't want the pasta. I want the pasta printer

everyone is jealous of my hot pinko mayor

Happy Tax Day, New York. We’re taxing the rich.

why is it 90 degrees out

be the change etc

sometimes I look at dishonored screenshots and go fuuuuck it's so good. fuck. I'll never forgive the gamers for not buying billions of copies of all the dishonored games

screen grab from tv news saying “quote from petard victim” up top and “what are you gonna do, hoist me?” below

damn, got ‘em

They sell ANDOR action figures, of course, and of course the audience is 35-50-year-olds, but it's deeply funny to imagine children playing with little Luthen Rael and Saw Gerrera dolls.

CHILD 1: I think violence is not only justified, but demanded
CHILD 2: I agree, but haste could be our undoing

big monch

i am about to become the most unstoppable cheese beast imaginable

cellcept appears to be making me less lactose intolerant somehow which is potentially the most incredible thing to ever happen to me