i think i want to be a decommissioned lighthouse when i grow up

normalize dropping to your knees and sobbing when people won’t stop talking

i grew my account the old fashioned way: by being an idiot online

Just once, I’d like to be at the beginning of my rope.

That’s gonna leave a question mark.

The energy between us is orange cat.

Sorry it took me so long to reply, I was googling everything you said.

like a blue collar mister rogers when I get home I take off my irish setter work boots, slip on the hey dudes and smoke a bowl before reading my daughter books and telling stories

The snowbanks recede to reveal the plough-smashed artefacts of a sprawling material culture.

“AI is here, so we have no choice but to accept it”

so are immigrants and trans people, but I guess that’s a skill issue

it really does seem like there are people who want bad guys to stick around so that they themselves have a reason to exist, the whole “I need the Joker so I can keep being the Batman” mentality

REPUBLICANS: socialism is evil

ALSO REPUBLICANS: America is great because we have Social Security, Medicare, public education, military, public roads, libraries, and public utility companies because we have no idea that these are actual fucking examples of socialism in America

Fox News is talking about how gay leftist men are likely to be gold diggers, you know, because all of Donald Trump’s wives married him for love

always the bridesmaid who mysteriously disappeared after being locked inside a hope chest and now haunts the church grounds still waiting to catch the bouquet, never the bride

if we're both still single by the time we are dead, then whew

I put the fun in defunct

I wonder if Darwin would have guessed that the species best adapted to today’s world is the village idiot.

Dumb people believe in conspiracies because it’s the only way for them to “know more” than everyone else.

Just hoping a mild head injury might get me through the week at this point.

Magnolias are an ancient species of tree pollinated by beetles because they evolved prior to bees. What are you even doing with your life, you piece of shit.

Another day, another brilliant post down the drain in the shower.

One day, I'm gonna fall in with the "right crowd". And, gawd, I'm gonna be cross.

Say kind things to yourself in your head today. You've been good, you deserve it.

Cool middle distance stare, bro. But a lone wolf dies in the wild.

I would go to a rave if I could be home by 9

“im bored,” she said, threateningly

me: why isn’t ‘architect’ pronounced like archduke or archbishop or archenemy

my gynecologist: what

🙂

adding floral patterns to my list of grievances because rage can still be pretty there are no rules

I’d probably hate getting thrown into a pit full of vipers, but I’d do it just for the story.