If ignorance is bliss, then why are the dumbest people making our lives hell?

My biggest conspiracy theory is we CAN use Q-tips in our ears. They only tell us not to because they know we’d be too powerful with deep Q-tipping.

Now, that’s a fairy tale ending

The only time I feel like Cinderella is when the edible wears off and I’m like oh man, I’ve been talking to a mouse this whole time.

Me too, but considering going back to bed now! 🤣🤣🤣

If you’re not in the Epstien Files, feel free to sleep in 👍

You can skip church this Sunday if you want. As long as you didn’t publicly beef with the pope or claim to be Jesus this week, you’re good.

Breaking news: the FBI Director is a problematic alcoholic. Story courtesy of Duh Magazine.

Two traumatic events that changed the course of history.

Like why is that one of my only memories from the last year? 🤣🤣🤣

The loudest sound ever heard was in a volcano erupting in Krakatoa in 1883. The second loudest was my mom asking what size bra l wear in TJ Maxx in 2026.

People won’t remember your salary or how many hours you worked… but they will remember that couple who got caught cheating at the Coldplay concert.

Insomnia’s not so bad, at least I get to spend more quality time with my intrusive thoughts at 3am.

11pm on April 15 is like the World Series for Type B people.
Bottom of the 9th. Bases loaded… and here comes a missing W-2 right down the middle.

I don’t drink coffee in the morning because the best part of waking up is being a raging she-devil.

BREAKING - 'Baby Jessica' arrested for domestic assault nearly 40 years after miracle rescue from Texas well.

“Well, well, well…”
-Me finding out Baby Jessica got arrested.

an older woman in a yellow robe is sitting in a chair with the caption how long is this going to last ALT: an older woman in a yellow robe is sitting in a chair with the caption how long is this going to last

She should be wearing sequins at The Rusty Anchor! 🤬

Grannies shouldn’t be Door Dashing to pay for their husband’s cancer meds. They should be eating cheesecake with their roommates in Miami.

When your primary care doctor and your specialist team up to tell you it’s all in your head.

So are we supposed to get medical advice from someone wearing Jesus’ robes or wet jeans, because now I’m getting confused?!

Dementia Without Borders

Nothing to see here just your average Red Cross doctor healing their pedophile best friend.

What would Jesus do? Tell me my labs are fine and we’ll check again in 6 months.

Shut up, guys, my first crush was Dr. McSteamy.

Pretty sure my body’s trying to get revenge on me for the way I treated it in my 20s. I think I just heard my knees clicking out “karma’s a bitch” in Morse code.

It was just a random 90s playlist, but that song is a fave! 🤩

Trying to convince someone they voted for the wrong person is like arm wrestling a fish. It feels winnable until you try.

I hate when I fall asleep listening to music and it sneaks into my dreams. My teeth are already falling out. We don’t need to bring Chumbawamba into this.

I have no problem with aging. I just didn't think it was going to happen to me personally.

How come it’s always “Why are you so lazy?” and never “Wow, you’re great at picking things up with your toes”?