humpty dumpty: (falling off the wall) please don’t write a nursery rhyme about this

“No worries,” I say, from the fetal position.

Spirit Halloween banner on the Whitehouse lol

October 1st. Government shutdown? COINCIDENCE!?

(anytime someone calls me on my phone, a device i voluntarily bought for this specific purpose) SON of a bitch,

I am genuinely looking forward to the rapture. Can you imagine how much nicer this place would be without the people who believe in the rapture.

God damnit Trisha you took the wrong old man

Life is worth living bc sometimes a cat will reach out and put a paw on u

“When the Executive publicly announces its intent to break the law, and then executes on that promise, it is the Judiciary’s duty to check that lawlessness, not expedite it.”

-Justice Sonia Sotomayor

wasting every second of my one precious life comes very naturally to me

Yassss! Go Team 💙

babe are you ok you've barely touched your unread books

[running from the cops at night]

*10 minutes into chase* DAMN THESE LIGHT UP SHOES.

A cross stitch pattern of the Oregon trail with the caption you listened to RFK. Credit to @institchesbysara

If we're gonna change the name at least make it something cool like gulf of alternative rock

Unfortunately I suffer from a desire to do everything and live a life that is as full and interesting as possible

Had a full blown panic attack today for the first time in more than a decade, so suck it haters, this bitch still has the body of a 20 year old

“waahhhh egg prices are too high” just lay the eggs yourself you lazy prick

Good morning everybody. Remember to make some good trouble today

My door is always open if you want to stop by and fix my door