Truly!

I fucking choked on my cold brew thanks for that

Plz

The ND in me feels the need to clarify: when I say meet people IRL, I mean like...meet people in the world, become friendly, progress to flirting maybe once it's clear there's some compatibility beyond someone thinking I'm hot.

Also, I was at a queer bar.

But the context makes it a lot less funny.

Me: ugh dating apps are awful, I just want to meet people IRL

Also me: *gets hit on in a bar by a man* ew why did you think you could talk to me

Im just glad it's safe to be so vulnerable with all 1 million of you

I thanked my wife for being my monogamy beard at work.

It's rare, but sometimes mono- (and hetero-) normativity come in handy 😂

[Context: I bartend and my wife & I have been poly our entire 15 year relationship]

Customer: You're not married, are you?

Me: Why do you ask?

Customer: Well, I wouldn't want to hit on someone unavailable.

Me: My wife appreciates the sentiment.

*laughs hysterically internally*

I love how many people here recognized this shirt, especially given that I purchased it in like 2008? 2009?

Clearly I am in the right place.

I went on a first date a few days ago and briefly considered my old go-to of wearing my shirt that says "Feelings are Boring, Kissing is Awesome" but decided against it. I think that's called growth.

No shaved or crushed ice, sadly!

I can, however, make you a fantastic daiquiri or margarita 😊

I just realized that working at a bar allows people to do the modern equivalent of "calling on" people and I think that's neat.

Unfortunately, you'll have to do without enjoying a nice mint julep under the watchful eye of my granny in the parlor.

Get tattoos that make people regret asking about them.

Hey friends! This is my more public/profesh account. Looking for shitposts, pure communist nonsense, and the occasional thirst trap? Follow me at @fadedlyric.bsky.social

This feels like the future that should-have-been.

Pffft you never have to get dressed on my account 😉😘