"A lot of hard, mutual work between me and the pretty lady. If that sounds too simple, it's not. Sometimes the couch and I get along real great."

"Having three and a half kids hasn't stopped me yet. Just know if I start sucking up to fun bags, I've been replaced with a lame imposter."

"I always admire how the papers catch my glamourous side. The by-line, I could do without though."

"The day I'm wrong about ol' gear head is the day I'm in a box, floating somewhere in the atlantic."

"He used to call them fork fingers but then he decided knife hand was the way to go. He's nine so who am I to argue."

"Oh, you got those too. My youngest calls them goop hands and hand forks."

"Strange probably magiced it from some swiss bank account. Tony? Stark? Fun bags? I'm not going to hold my breath on that one. He'll probably buy the place and call that charity."

"I can take a few guesses on what the 'whole thing' was. Unless you got a misdirect up your sleeves. Surprise me, bucko."

"We can't all be walking free healthcare like ol' Wolvie. Night Nurse'll need a raise after putting up with everyone's wonderful bedside manners."

"That's just the New York coursing through the veins. And the radiation. Unless you're not from New York, which, pal, as long as you aren't from California or Rhode Island, we're clear sailing."

"This is what I get for thinking I could tolerate Rhode Island. Not doing that ever again."

"Hey, you're talking to a pro on the ups and downs of the ol' luck and not to repeat myself here, sunshine, but you're still swinging."

"Mayor who?! And I thought a bike lane scandal was all some of us had to worry about. How'd big ol' chuckles manage that? How's double D's blood pressure? Bet he no longer needs to wear them horns on account of how red his face must be."

"Unless there's a fellow charming webhead out there that's a quitter, it's not how we do things."

"Chin up because you can do it. Like I tell my kiddos, one hand and foot at a time and you'll get on that rooftop in no time and when it happens again, remember you've done it before. That good ol' luck is like us, it swings around."

"It's all fun and games with the newbies until one of them admits to putting ketchup on their hot dogs. You do that, I don't know you."

"There's that friendly nieghbor volcabulary I usually get as a surprise from a downtown cabbie. Appreciate the enthusiasm, pal."

"Don't I know it, bucko. Hey, chin up. When the going gets down, we tend to climb out of it. It is our trademark."

"Now I know my sarcasm sense isn't broken because you're going full swing on that one. What's got your leg up on your shoulder, chum?"

"Oh. We're doing another one of these. Tone it down a couple levels, pal. Noise complaints are the last thing I need on the list of everything else that is my life, capeesh?"

"Taking the kiddo out for his first web slinging lessons. They grow up so fast. Stop that."

"I can already feel the headache I'll be having tomorrow."

"If anyone claims I'm in charge of some kinda team, I don't do the whole team thing. I don't even know half these people. Star-Lord? They're just naming anyone anything these days."

"Not many people can make both my skin crawl and my suit feel itchy but I think we found our winner."

"If we were to get technical, organic webbing is in fact real but my youngest kiddo calls them goop hands so goop hands is what they're known by."

"I really need some people to consider for a moment that if I see them in a dark, scary alleyway, cornering someone that I will just swing down and say hello with a knuckle, a foot or maybe even both while switching up the order sometimes. I like to keep things fresh like that."

"Everyday I'm reminded that Johnny has the chutzpah. Love that hot-headed fella."

"It's a bagel and cream cheese morning. No, nothing else goes on it. I already have to put up with tourists putting ketchup on their street meat. Show some class. You're in New York."

"Don't take me to do multiverse get togethers. Take Ben instead."

"If you aren't putting the crackers in it, I don't even want to look at you. You shift into soup mode or you don't. There are no half measures around these parts."