"Yes, I know it's AI generated. You all behave yourself this year, it'll stay that way."

"Remember, this'll be your car if you try to prank me by lying your ass off and then gaslighting me when I get skeptical. Don't cross me, assholes."

"I swear to God, if I become the victim of any stupid pranks over the next two days, I will crash a car into the nearest Dairy Queen."

"No reason, just fuck how expensive the Blizzards are."

"Hey, assholes, maybe if you quit kneecapping the obvious competition to that hedgehog whose dick everyone loves to suck, maybe we'd see what the Rogues are really like!"

"Just caught a glimpse of the rule changes to that racing event the Rogues have been in."

"Good Gods, no wonder they're considered incompetent buffoons, the only times they're allowed to race is when the races are deliberately rigged against them."

(Oh, sweet, so I'm not the only one that watches Ashens)

(( Lmao over on my server we're all just discussing the idea of Majima getting in his pirate garb to pretend he's "always been the 4th member of the Babylon Rogues" and it just being an elaborate trick to fuck with Sonic. ))

(( Majima rolls with it just because he respects the hustle. ))

"Uhm...excuse me sir, madam, or other?"

"Oddly enough, I don't even think a bunch of bipedal multicolored talking animals is *close* to the weirdest shit he's ever seen."

OOC: My fellow netizens, I come to you with a heartfelt apology.

As of today, it has been 35 years since I committed a terrible, horrible, unforgivable crime against humanity and everything you all stand for.

I was born.

And for that, I'm sorry.

"...You win this round, cops," he said, standing up, figuring the Reddit mod got what he deserved. "I'll leave you be. For now."

He then continues on his patrol, though making sure to stick to the rooftops this time in case they come after him next.

-- lack of hygiene from atop the building he was observing the scene from. As the police escort the literal Reddit mod to the police van, the idiot still asking what the probable cause is to do this to him despite the cop having told him until he was blue in the face, Renault comes to a decision. --

"Oh my gods..." he said, overwhelmed a mix of shock and utter disgust at the sight of the driver. A fat sweaty nerd with long hair in a ponytail, a neckbeard, and...

"Holy shit, he actually has a fedora on, what the actual fuck?" He said, his face scrunching up as he could practically smell the --

-- It was the same car that he had seen completely ignore a crossing guard's instructions and speed off through a crosswalk at a nearby school the day before. The shattering of glass interrupted his thoughts as the cop literally rips the window into pieces and drags the driver out. --

-- A nasally, head-up-his-own-ass sounding voice. The driver kept asking why he was pulled over, even as the cop was answering that he had been cited for reckless driving, driving with a suspended license, and endangering children. At that last charge, Renault suddenly recognized the car. --

Confused, he made his way up to the rooftop and found that they had pulled over what appeared to be an old, beat-up car. Adjusting his radio to hear what the police were saying, he winced when he heard the driver's voice, --

-- Out of instinct, he ducked into an alleyway, thinking he evaded the cops when they drive past him, only to hear them stop nearby.

Silently cursing his being caught off-guard, he quickly makes for the rooftops, only to realize halfway up the fire escape that there was no police chasing him. --

Renault was walking down the street, wearing his Phantom Rogue outfit. He had no plans to commit any heists tonight, but the purpose of being out was his weekly patrol and recon in case he needed to plan one later.

The sound of sirens made his eyes widen, looking behind him as they got closer. --

"So, I heard Jet, Wave, and Storm took a little vacation to a place called New Amsterdam to help a local skater gang called the Bomb Rush Crew take over the city purely so they could beat the tar out of the local PD."

"I hope they had fun."

(( I got distracted again. ))

(( But in my defense it was me finally getting around to playing Bomb Rush Cyberfunk. ))

(( Little did I know modding in Jet would actually give me the most real vision of "jet vs a dozen cops" that I dream up in my mind holy shit even the COMBAT is good in this. ))

"Yeah, it's almost like it's not a coincidence."

"Don't forget it's Wave and Storm's birthdays too."

"I've only had 3 and a half hours of sleep tonight...Is this what Jet feels like every morning?"

"...I have never seen @jetthehawk.bsky.social look so dead inside while racing like I'm seeing him sandbag in this Gods damned 'Legend' competition, holy shit."

a bag with a face drawn on it is sitting on a table ALT: a bag with a face drawn on it is sitting on a table

"Oh, Gods, Jet is doing the Legends Competition that forbids Ultimate Charge...you know what that means..."

"...The fuck you mean Honey the Cat is connected to that highway that Jet likes to race on?!"

-- 7 PM--"

He raises an eyebrow as they snicker harder, the one teen responding. "So, would you say you're open from 6-7?"

"...Why yes, but--" He then sees the teens burst out laughing, suddenly realizing the meme he walked into "Oh, Gods dammit-- GET THE FUCK OFF MY PROPERTY, YA DAMN SHITS!"

Renault would walk up to a bunch of kids. "Excuse me, the garage is closed for the night. Y'all need to leave."

The teens started snickering before one of them piped up. "Hey, sorry 'bout that man, what are the hours again?"

Renault sighs. "Our hours are Monday through Saturday from 6 AM to --

"Just coming in for my...I guess sorta-irregular check up?"

"...Yup, everything seems to be in order, I'll just go pass out while reading TV Tropes."

"...Uh, apparently I came at a bad time. I'm just...gonna...go."

Renault was this close to jumping out of the zeppelin mid-flight again, though this time out of awkwardness.