good thing we’re firing all the smart people so we can make shit blow up more and go faster

then: PARTY OF RESPONSIBILITY

now: an AI swarm ate my homework 🤷

president satan

pretty bald push for patriarchy bro

the ballroom blanket fort is priority 1

I would accept if Klingons were doing this but humans destroying humanity is confusing

I found a fish one does that count?

🎶 Don’t go pissin’ waterfalls
Please piss in the rivers
And the lakes
That you’re used to

*clears google search history of 'christ-like sybian' before in-laws get here*

< You're a terrible old white guy.

> *terrible old white guy joke*

eye appointment tomorrow so I'm brushing my eyes extra tonight

we've replaced news with olds in America

then: fuck your feelings

now: they said mean things about me and I died

“negotiating”

I love your The Soap Dispenser Is Automatic But The Faucet Is Manual And The Hand Dryer Requires A PIN piece. exquisite.

cool that the US is actively ignoring new technology allowing a smaller opponent to gain tactical dominance while *checks notes* fucking with Iran

“He’s not just using his fists to win the fight. He’s also pissing and shitting and crying in the hopes of winning.”

we need to hold a contest after the trials

maga citing “terrorist” Iranians saying “death to America” as justification to threaten all Iranians with death is peak maga

an alternate earth where bespoke gasoline is sold by the jar at farmers markets while big granola has a stranglehold on the global energy economy

I’m announcing my own new personal national debt. If I want something extravagant, I get to have it and we add the bill to my national debt and just keep doing that until I die. then I’ll pay it back. promise.

maga: NO BUREAUCRACIES!

also maga: *is a nameless blob of AI fever dreams that never takes responsibility*

nipple earth is jackable

awesome the fun police are here in their yellow uniforms throwing koosh balls

astronauts continue to miss opportunities to deliver some devastating your-mom jokes like it should be a space tradition

*points phone at blue sky* two can play this game motherfucker

actual photograph of erika kirk mourning her husband:

also whose name has three K's in it

they keep telling him genocide is bad and he’s like “why tho”

cash peddle is a human kick me sign