Given the amount of data Tesco has on us all, their staff should really be able to know which of us they need to watch like a criminal at the self-checkouts.

"Whatever you want is fine with me" is the laziest, most passive-aggressive way to get out of doing the work of decision making. Step up with an opinion or fuck right off.

If you drive with a dog on your lap, you're not loving or cute, you're reckless & dumb. One minor impact & that airbag will turn your pet into a projectile or crush them against your chest.

Lots of tradies out there saying they aren't getting replaced by AI. Maybe not. But you'll soon be fighting for jobs with the people who got replaced by AI.

It's a Reliant Robin, not a Robin Reliant.

Back in the day I scoffed at Rick Astley but fair play to him: he's been the basis of an harmless internet meme that's gone global and Rickwashed "The Smiths" with "The Blossoms" so that people can do karaoke without feeling one is endorsing a twat. What a guy.

People talk about the electrifying effect Zack Polanski has had on the Green Party but I think Starmer's impact is bigger.

All these "London is finished" tweets are massively insulting to the residents and blatantly not written by anyone who has actually lived here for any length of time. anon_opin GOLD from 12th August 2025

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If you want to create mystique and legendary status, and reincarnate the purest, highest level nightclub experience, open a club where you leave the phone at reception.

Women never have a whole second family, do they? Because they do so much of the work involved

Supermarkets should have patrolling trolley wardens to stop old ladies from steering their trolleys with their forearms. They're a danger to other shoppers because they can't steer them properly and risk severe back pain from the stupid angle at which they need to shuffle.

Every flag should feature a mythical animal. Notice how the roundabouts aren't being painted in Wales? It's because idiots can't draw a dragon.

I avoided Fiona Apple's music in the 90s. The daft album titles put me off. I recently decided to listen for the first time. Turns out she's fucking amazing and the most exciting discovery I've made in years. Wish I could go back in time.

I find it very strange when super fans of a band will try and convince you that their best and most successful album is actually their worst one, and the album you really need to listen to is the dud that was a critical and commercial flop.

People, it's important to know that when you wear a shirt with a tartan pattern but don't do up the top button, everyone thinks you're wearing a pyjama top. The one exception is when you wear a tie with it but that also looks super weird.

Koo Stark dodged a bullet.

All baths should come with a spider ladder

I've been playing golf for decades, every year new clubs come out, and every year they always say these new clubs hit it longer with more accuracy. Surely we should all be hitting it to the moon by now?

The Rest Is Politics is a perfect mirror to political centrism over the last 3+ decades: everyone gets paid vast amounts of money to sit around talking, changing nothing, and occasionally visiting Switzerland.

English fan groups being described as Ultras is hilarious. You're an accountant from Hitchin, Colin.

The courts should stop treating driving bans like they're this big hardship. If you kill or even seriously injure someone while driving, the ban should be for life. Take the bus and cry me a fucking river.

There's something deeply upleasant about the fact that magicians actively seek not only ways to deceive people, but that their tricks are usually so basic and simple behind the scenes that they're knowingly making fools of people. Imagine building a career out of that.

There should be two separate queues in pubs - one for people who just want a simple pint, and one for people who want fancy-arse cocktails that take ages to mix. anon_opin GOLD from 27th January 2023

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By repeating bollocks like "some children self identify as a cat and the schools have to provide litter trays" you are self identifying as a gullible moron.

While it's true to say that Neil Young has written dozens of brilliant songs, it's also true that no other artist has made as many 'one great song, nine shit ones' albums as he has.

Every time there's any sort of post related to polling which shows (e.g.) old people are more right wing, people always reply with "well I'm 80 and vote Green". People have no concept that polling shows overall trends, just because you buck them doesn't devalue the conclusion.

There is no food which can't be enhanced by crispy onions

If there's a man in your office with his initials sewn onto the pocket of his short-sleeve shirt, it's a certainty that there are various body parts in his freezer.

Who thought flashing bicycle lights were a good idea.

All TV shows should be required to have a proper theme song, preferably sung by one or more cast members or the show's creator.