everyone knows this is the funniest tweet

It's Opening Day. I love baseball. And I hate the Pohlad family who owns the Minnesota Twins. I want the franchise to fail on an unprecedented scale until these greedy, slimy wastes of space finally decide to sell the team.

I do not understand the Wolves game I watched last night. I've watched near 1000 Wolves games in my life. I just don't understand how the fuck that shit happened last night.

Alotta ppl don’t have empathy for the homeless, but so many of us are just one bad day from losing it all

Only One

open.spotify.com/track/7zDWmQ...

Yup. Pour it in a cup of ice and my stoned ass is thinking it's water

White people are insufferable

Former Cardinals Pro Bowl QB Kyler Murray has signed a 1-year deal with the Vikings, per me and @tompelissero.bsky.social

Minnesota moved quickly after Murray’s release from Arizona, and now will have the former No. 1 overall pick compete with JJ McCarthy to start.

I knew the economy was bad when Apple said “let’s lower the prices on the computers”

Not Enough

open.spotify.com/track/7JxA6b...

You're a good man. Had so much fucking fun at the Tigers game with you, my brother.

A great father, great man, and a hell of a time at a ballgame

He was going to.

40mg would have me speaking in binary code,
01001000 01000101 01001100 01010000

I don't understand why sometimes a motherfucker will come and kick me while I'm down. I'm tryin to just get through the day, G.

Dave: DEI Commenter @daveusesthis To Jalen Rose. Rest now, brother. The Wizards have the watch and we'll see you in Valhalla.

Canadian baseball fans absolutely crushing canned beers at the Canada-Cuba WBC game

Hell yeah

Lisa Simpson staring at an empty plate

Going to a work convention thing and seeing some folks I have kind of lost touch with over the years and while I’m excited to get away from Minnesota for a bit, I am going to answer every innocuous question of “how have you been?” with the Lisa Simpson stare.

Zion Williamson:

For anyone outside of Minnesota who has been wondering why progressives & leftists absolutely despise Jacob Frey, here is a very clear cut example.

Eric DeCosta when he realizes his Maxx Crosby-Trey Hendrickson shenanigans will cost the Ravens a 3rd-round comp pick in 2027:

Me, in 30 years having not gotten the news that the boycott ended

Oh... it's a RECESSION recession

Polo Jeans (feat. Earl Sweatshirt)

open.spotify.com/track/367Hmv...

"That is a Slim slam!"

I'm not but I'm still alive. Like I know so many have it worse, are enduring worse suffering. But I'm in a state where I'm wondering if it's even worth it to work to heal and be a better version of me