This headline suggests the bull was in a field looking out over the countryside and decided he'd got one more goring in him

David Cameron got that pig's head pregnant and thats where wes streeting came from

You can actually see the moment Ed Miliband thinks, what's the point burning through whatever political credibility I've got left energetically defending a man who's going to be gone in a matter of weeks.

A fun thing about perimenopause is when you take evening primrose oil and it totally knocks out your hot flushes/night sweats! But then depression hits. But then you start feeling a bit better. AND THEN ALL YOUR JOINTS START HURTING

I binge listened to all of them last year and loved it. Also bawled my eyes out at some of it...

Christ alive. See replies for a link to complain.

It's still a commonly used term in scientific research. Absolutely bonkers.

Oh, I'm sorry x

As someone who's done retail I'd recommend cleaning. Offices are easy and usually get cleaned when they're shut so you can pop your earphones in and crack on.

Just saw a man tell a cash machine to fuck off and honestly; yeah

The puppy is having a phantom pregnancy. Stupid female hormones coming for us all

Who fucking cares.
We're approaching the stupidity singularity faster than this bloody thing

It went over mine! But in my defence I was a kid

Disgruntled llama (the woman with the feeding bucket was behind me and walking away)

Overheard convos in the cafe:
"The voting system is broken"
"Everyone's cutting ties with Sharon Osbourne"

I bet they're pretending this about community or summat when it's clearly a weird sex thing

Also just now got the Dorian Gray joke...

Just found out I'm in my Dorian era

Breakfast of champions.
#HomeCooking #TradWife

It is! I'm fancy now

At one point of wrestling the seized screw on the old one I thought it was turning until I realised I was on the way to dislocating my wrist again 🙃

Went for a big walk today AND fitted a new toilet seat. Living the frickin dream

Next door occasionally look after a little dog for someone. It's there now and they've gone out which means it's partaking in incessant barking.
Which is normally just mildly annoying but now it's horrifying Lola who can't work out where the noisy doggy is 😭

The window sentry is sleepy this morning

A colleague didn’t recognise me in my glasses so I tried to joke “I’m Clark Kent” but accidentally declared “I’m Ken Clarke”

a woman is drinking from a large wine glass . ALT: a woman is drinking from a large wine glass .

Realised I'd left my water bottle in the car but it's 7pm so I'll just have wine instead

Don't feel bad for it, I've turned a blind eye in the past but it tried to fight her last week so it's dead to me now.

a picture of a man with long hair and the words " victory is yours " below him ALT: a picture of a man with long hair and the words " victory is yours " below him

Just trained the puppy to shout at the cat that keeps shitting in the garden

Leave it there though, I watched a jumper in the week and the seller offered it me half price with free postage?!

I'm saying this as someone who went to a farm shop for lunch today and has garden centre plans tomorrow; that is the most middle aged sentence I have read in A WHILE.