If Tuesday had to Tuesday, it'd be on a Tuesday.

Having to start the car to warm up should be illegal beyond mid April.

Chewbacca-yawning to the tune of "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart

27°f feels like a real kick in the nuts. Especially when you've de'winterized your home for spring.

Tuesdays are the Tuesdays of the week

Per Pittsburgh city officials regarding locals participating in NFL draft activities "from enjoying an event that was brought to the city with them in mind"
If you believe that, I have some beachfront properties in AZ to see you.

I swear it's a distraction tactic. Almost got me lol

*waves hands* it seems like *flailing arms* that it appears to me *spins like a top* that maybe be *smacks face off wall* that he might be.

If it wasn't for eugenics, we wouldn't have Toddlers & Tiaras.

Lol ty for this
It helps

These candy cigarettes aren't hitting like they use to.

The longer I go with the FROZEN songs stuck in my head, the significantly worse my niece’s bday presents are going to be.

I felt like I was taking crazy pills. Had me second guessing my connection and everything!

Hippups are stupid.
Ty

Has anyone have trouble with the bluesky app today? I kept getting the login screen. Enter info then it says I’m not connected to the internet. Which I was. Two separate phones.

There is never a cellist around when you desperately need one.

Be the egg salad to my tuna salad.

My favorite part after sex is checking to make sure that they didn't steal anything from my house.

A sarcastic “oh great. Another day”.

They sound like big dumb dumbs

a marathong is when you run — actually, dear reader, you can probably get this one on your own

Well I’m convinced

You’re toast, dawg. Kiss them sweetass quarters AND your matchbox cars set goodbye 👋

Can we take three different types of potato chips and dump them into one bowl and then add reg m&ms & peanut m&ms into the same bowl?

You blocked me because you hate music.

What a turd!

I bet your gullible ass didn’t even get a prenup

I don’t have any gaming consoles, or a significant other lol so won’t be doing that. I’m not really interested in video games. Never have been but the show seems pretty good! Only on S1 E3 though but I’m enjoying it so far

I have no knowledge about the game so I can’t speak on its accuracy but I did enjoy it.

Low blow man
Low. Blow.