Me: “can you send me money [to pay for the 4x vet appt. for my cat in a week]?”
Sibling: “I GUESS *grumble grumble*” <already sent money for urgent care appt. yesterday>
Me: “I can at least assure you this is his last appointment… this week…”
Sib: “Are you sure??”
Me: “yes… because it’s Saturday… 😬”

*walking past our stupid dad’s horrible ex-wife’s house while out with the dogs*

Me: “I would have zero remorse if that house burned to the ground.”
Sibling: “I would have a little remorse - I painted those walls.”

“Do you believe in Satan?”

I believe in Satan the same way I believe in Mothman - with the irrational optimism that I’d become friends with them if we ever met in person, but also recognizing that the likelihood of this happening is nonexistent since I don’t live in West Virginia.