Me when the present opening starts and I fetch the black bag

In our latest episode we are joined by 90's TV sensation @webding.bsky.social of @tuftyclub.bsky.social to discuss retro football video games. Let us know the best/worst football games you've played and don't forget to leave us a review for continuing to bring you all these famous guests. #RETRO

Was worried you were going to say “the tip”

Which bit?

Would use this to weed people out. “You saw it on jobfinder? What were you doing watching telly at 2am? And don’t tell me you recorded it, because nobody knows how to work the video timer”

Cause of death: a light drubbing to the arse

Yep, and I actually agree with Roy that Italia 90 was more important than the Big Bang

Liam and his “size 7” (SEVEN) Ciao ball, 1990

DOES ANYONE ELSE PACK UNDERWEAR FOR A TRIP LIKE THEY'RE PLANNING ON SHITTING THEMSELVES TWICE A DAY.

The wife just sent me this with the message “this is you”

It’s absolute nonsense though. I pack n + 1 (where n is the number of nights away), so I actually plan on shitting myself exactly once

Double figures for neutral venue losses. Do I get a badge or something?

As in will you (or your bounty hunter) force me to the toilet to read it? I don’t sleep on one

On the toilet?

Still haven’t

Did self-scan at Asda. Felt like I was wearing a Blades shirt in the Wendy end

In fairness, “Catholic Cardinals” sounds like a righteous ice hockey team, so it should be no surprise they voted in a yank

Damn right. Think I may have gone too far in the past though. e.g. at Cleethorpes beach, I once helped the wife avoid a potentially messy problem with a simple cry of “DONKER”

Pavement full of birder

Is there more birder around this year, or is it just me (noticing, not doing)? #birder

Had to listen three times 🍆🤧

Ah, an email from the Sheffield United club shop. 50% off? Lovely. Let’s spend my club cash.

CLICK

First item that comes up: a flammable sleeping bag with arms for 52 (FIFTY-TWO) English Pounds. And that’s half price

Think I’ll be getting socks again

#sufc #bskyblades

Yorkshire puddings

THEY HAVE RISEN

#Easter #EasterSunday

Very glad no bouncers searched me last night given I was wandering around Sheffield with a bag of parsnips in my coat (not a euphemism)

Bought a grab bag of pickled onion Monster Munch from the same shop for two nights running. Pretty sure the bloke is ready to stage an intervention

You’re all set to get trapped in a gorilla enclosure (and I guess an octopus tank, bonus)

Possibly my greatest achievement to date

Nonsense man. Treasure Island Dizzy is a classic. I even managed to complete it circa 2005 when they released the C64 version as a standalone binary (it was a slow week at work, alright)

Coming up for a year of being reminded of Stephen Bettis every time I open the BBC Sounds app. It’s like having a photo of him in your wallet*

* not saying I haven’t got that as well

Only had one sit down since and it was a rushed one. Need to savour it (the article (and the shit))

He loves to use the UK as an example of imaginary negative consequences, yet privatising post and rail are two of the worst things we’ve ever done here (and I’m including dentistry and queueing)

Did a picture

Judging by the spelling, I think you meant “PAPA?”