I'm a FIFA father. I let my little lad kick my head around for practice. You gotta start 'em young, and, frankly, I like the sensation. – FIFA Father

Can I be honest for a second? When I was 7 years old, I saw a plumber jump on a turtle in real life, right across the fence of the playground, he broke it down into viscera, all of my classmates clapped, he moved on to do the same thing to a real life goomba. I tried to kill myself two weeks after.

They are selling DXM to infants

They are putting ibutamoren into energy drinks to make white people stronger

I did not think I would be either, but when I looked back at it all I already was. Please keep your chin high.

I really hope the player character gets a happy ending. I'm very fond of them.

I'm trying to turn my neighbor's pussy inside out using carcinogens

I googled "punching your own penis" out of curiosity and it seems shockingly similar to something I do on a daily basis. Didn't even know there was a name for it.

Skype me darling. I simply must groom you.

If you're ever feeling sad, think about how much I've gained from lying by omission, and, if you need a smile, consider what that special someone in your life may have to give you if you can convince them you love them.

I wander the beach, a removed conversation with a woman, something about the love being gone, I continue forward alone. I find a shipping container, similarly abandoned, inside: untouched pallets of Jergens lotion, enough to jack my hog for years. I awaken from the most vivid wet dream of my life.

Freddy fazbear pics

Honestly I'm booked for the next month but good luck

You're experiencing psychosis symptoms? Wow. No, I mean, wow. You should put on that maid costume and do a little twirl for me. Maybe that would help. Yeah, that's what Google's saying, I swear, look for yourself, seriously

honey i shrunck you're pussy

They're making a new pornography flavored treat

This is the, yeah, this is the kitchen, and, what's what?, that? That's my, uh, sodomite, yeah. I don't know why it's out, – can you go back to the room?, thanks. Sorry, yeah, I uh, maybe you could ask fewer questions? It's cool having you over and all but like, this is my life, man.

No, I'm not forcing you to do anything, no, I mean – you already made the incision, you're already beneath the skin, just, it'll grow back, just, take a piece, it'll grow back, this is me as much as my face is me, didn't you want to be together?

So should we brother

I'm certain the bear trap feels better, but, I lost out on three catches because it kept saying it can't help what it's made for, and it's like, what are we doing here, man? Why do you even sell this shit?

Yeah, it's just a return, yeah, I have the receipt, no, I tried to use it, it's still like, brand new, it's just, – maybe if the bear trap spent less time apologizing before tripping it might be more effective?

Yeah, fuck, yeah man, that's good shit, god, that's gonna hit the streets like my mother hit me, fuck, like alcohol hit the "my parents" community back in the 2000s, god damn. I, uh, I, don't know why you brought that up, man.

Me and the boys, we can do tricks. No, yeah, we can do hella tricks. No, that's not "cap", why do you think it's "cap"? Quit stressing me out. Breathe slowly, slower, no, yeah, hypoxia's good, slower please. Thank you.

I'm coming at you, extremely pregnant, barreling towards you, you moving out of the way? I'm a fucking tank, you gonna stop me? I'm a host. I look pale and sickly. It's just a hypothetical.

Does your doomsday bunker have a gasoline powered sex dungeon? No? What are we going to do all day? Broke ass.

By Q3 2026, we'll be able to grow a fleshlight via stem cell sample from any of your favorite celebrities and ship it to your door all for the price of a mid-range tenga. You want to fuck the pussy Ryan Gosling would've had if he was a woman? Now you can. Who's ready to get pumping?

I'll perform pretty much any sexual act in exchange for a coin

Your girl has been calling me "peanut butter" on account of me "pee"ing my "nut" when i see that "butt" of "her"s. Please make her stop.

I made your bitch go kookoo nana with my herbal tinctures.

Albedo is kind of like the opposite of libido. Something something Deleuze. Are you fucking happy now?