Guess who hurt their back today🎶

Why’d we let Dave Matthews Band get away with it?

Albeit minor, I’m happy Danhausen squeezed in the “crying into his money” bit.

The kindest thing anyone can say to me is “I show this to my friends who aren’t fans to make them understand pro wrestling and they love it”.

Happy 7th anniversary to my magnum opus (my children notwithstanding).

Thanks to GCW and Joey Janela for the opportunity and the trust.

(to the tune of Eleanor Rigby)
Jonathan Majors

(also to the tune of Eleanor Rigby)
Fell through a window

Been a while since I’ve had to break out the Ouija board, why not?

I have a job now! Unfortunately, payday is a ways off.

Guys, I think we’re getting famous
@allelitewrestling.com
@jazwares.bsky.social

Just-released photo of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson from the live-action Moana

We’ve told all the casting agents that the Weird Al biopic sequel is currently on hold, but they just keep sending in headshots.

...Robocop.

Nothing better than a wordy Chuck Norris joke

I have an interview next week!…but am expected to dress biz caz and all my nice clothes are twenty years old and three sizes too big, so if someone could help me buy some new stuff, that’d be greatly appreciated!

Image consists of a signed Mattel WWE Legends action figure of Hulk Hogan, autographed by Alexa Bless. Inscription reads: “RIP Hulk” under her autograph.

This signed Hulk Hogan figure on eBay, apparently autographed by Alexa Bliss, is killing me rn

Capybara is removed from supermarket in Brazil using a shopping cart.

Perhaps we could work something out where I pay you back whenever I’m able to? I’m really struggling to stay alive and hope to have a job landed next week.

I’ve got 21¢ to my name, lemme tell ya what foodstuffs I can get with that…

His purse :)

I don’t know what to do anymore.

I just need them to stay together long enough that “Funky Dealer” is used for the PPV theme.

You’d think businesses would be a little more proactive with calling back an Air Force vet with almost twenty years’ experience in sales and forklift certified. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Denied unemployment, denied food stamps, a dozen more ignored applications sent out. I’ve been going to church to better myself and nothing’s happening. I’m starving and no one wants to buy anything I’ve attempted to sell. All around just a bad deal. Venmo: @kingcandycaner if you’ve got any to spare

A SKELATEN IN GROCEY STORE "LOL IF YOUR USING TWITTER IN 2026, IF I WANTED TO BEYELLED AT BY A BOT I WOULD MOVE ITEMS TO THE BAGGING AREA WITHOUT SCANNING THEM " DONT KNOW IF YOU SAW IT LATELY BUT ITS SOMEHOW EVEN WORSE THAN IT WAS IN 2025, AND THAT WAS WORSE THEN 2024, AND THAT WAS WORSE THEN 2023, ETC, BY THE TIME THE SHIT GOT SOLD TO ELLON IT WAS ALREADY ALMOST DEAD, THE LAST HANDFUL OF HUMAN USERS WANDERING IN ALGORITHM HELL WHILE BOTS RESPONT TO THEM IN GPT SPEAK, THE AGING SNARKY COMMENTERS REFUSING TO MOVE TO BSKY OR THREADS BECAUSE THE PEOPLE ONE NOTCH DUMMER THEN THEM ARE STILL ON TWITTER AND THEY HAVE TO DUNK THEM BECAUSE WITHOUT THAT THEY HAVE NOTHING TO SAY AND NO WAY TO PROVE THERE SELF WORTH, AND THE PEPE NAZI'S FEEL EMBOLDENED TO START NEW SLURS AND SMACK THEM SELF IN THE FACE WITH OBJECTS TO INCREASE THEIR JAW LINE, BUT EVEN THEY DONT LIKE IT BECAUSE "THE LIBS" ARE NO LONGER THERE TO GET MAD AT THEM, AN APP FOR NO ONE WITH A SOUL, OWNED BY DEVIL, STILL FULL OF YOUR DEAD FRIENDS POSTS FROM YEARS PAST, AN ENTIRE ERA OF YOUR LIFE ONLINE NOW ONLY EVIDENCED BY OLD WORDS CARVED INTO THE CLIFFS OF HELL,,,,, BUT WHAT DO I KNOW IM JUST A SKELETIN - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN

LOL - dashare.zone ADMIN

I’m hungry.

I hope a dozen or so former coworkers are now going “THAT GUY LOOKS FAMILIAR.”

Walmart’s biggest, most violent meanie who should never work with others 2025

Walmart Associate of the Month April 2021 (trophy available for sale, you’ll feel the same sense of accomplishment!)
Dark Order member #1129 2022
Offered role as one of Dalton Castle’s Boys 2023
Forklift certified x2 (2024, 2025)

Accomplishments:

One-time attendee of the accelerated class in summer school (no idea how that happened)
ACHS “Most Reserved” Class of 2003
Time’s Person of the Year 2006
Ruler of Ass (awarded 2020, valid forever)