This just in: diamonds will now be measured in egg shells rather than carats in order to sound more expensive. Ex: Sally just got a 3 eggshell diamond! Dang! Her man has money!

As West Virginia has delegates wanting to name places after Trump. I submit we name the New River Gorge after Dollar General. DG has done way more for our state than any president has. #dollargeneral #spruceknob #joke

I’m going to refer to Elon’s team as “Musky-mates” because something smells funny.

What if Elon Musk is the Nigerian Prince we have all been receiving emails from and he now has access to all of our social security numbers? What if this means we really will get that inheritance he’s been promising?! Oh, now I’m excited!

I heard we were expecting Blizzard conditions. I too am a Dairy Queen fan, but I didn’t see the need to declare a state of emergency for the whole state to have some.

Nobody kept me up to speed on where the shortest lines were. I was disappointed. #dairyqueen #ilikefood #comedy

1) There’s no extra point mime positions.

And

2) I am dumb enough to believe that there would be extra point mime positions.

I just watched Buffalo kick the extra point and saw a guy in the background doing what looked like to be a mime show. I was really pumped to look into being an extra point mime.

Then I realized he was just taking down the net from behind the goal post. I am sad for two reasons:

When I say Thailand I instantly imagine it’s a land of fancy neckwear and that’s why parties are probably pretty awesome there. I am stressing imagine so you know I can spell and I also don’t travel. #icanspell #joke #ineedtotravel

Share as many as you can and as often as you can.

This will plant mental seeds to draw people away from the deals and sites you are going to really shop at and create less lag time.

Playing chess not checkers here people! #joke #Shopping #GoodLuck

#blackfriday2024 shopping tip #4:

This will require research: Look up deals from stores you don’t shop at. Begin to share them heavily on social media. Just create posts on how excited you are for Joanne’s Fabrics deals on yarn and the awesome deal at Omaha Steaks…

Share how you have been in way more trash cans you would like to even talk about, but hey, at least you made it.

The aisles should be clear and honestly, the staff will probably leave you alone. Thank goodness for self checkout!

Happy shopping!

#blackfriday2024 #shopping tip #5:

Cover yourself in turkey drippings, mashed potatoes, gravy, basically leftovers. Come to the store covered talking about how you’re making a documentary on the enormous amount of food waste that comes on Thanksgiving and filming went longer than expected.

It is time for the first Black Friday shopping tip of 2024! This is my annual list of top 5 ideas to enhance your shopping experience in stores or online. Yes, they’re ridiculous, but some of them just might work. I will be sharing them in reverse order beginning with number 5…

If the ball is caught by the other team on the sideline, the team on offense will have their punter be the QB for the remainder of the series.

Or at kickoff they should have to be in a giant game of red rover.

Just a thought.

New #NFL rule: If a QB throws the ball away and it hits one of the players or coaches on the sidelines before bouncing, that player/staff member must go to the locker room immediately and is no longer allowed to participate in the game.

This cat is wondering why their toy is lighting up.

I see nothing but blue sky all around me.