somebody get that damn mini horse AWAY from the keyboard

1. type something
2. go to the bar
3. repeat

sprinkle in cat hair for flavour

i get attached like a stray cat you accidentally fed once

costco hot dog bf/ costco hot dog gf

idc if its a monstrosity, its *my* monstrosity.

ciabata buns
raspberry jam
jalapeno jelly
brie cheeseeeee
chicken and/or stuffing
rosemary
broil however long it needs

you’re welcome

so you’re saying they were asking for it?

just withering away, i know it

brb trying to figure out my height and weight in apples

its like the worst america-themed themepark

i hate thinking about the line of men that have been loved by me romantically knowing i’ll never get to experience that

“would you date yourself?” brother i’d beg on my knees to have someone like me. i would kill to be loved the way i love

pretty sure, yeah

too fuckin juicy

its too buttery. wanna hear about my steak?

oh nooooo my lobster

kittens gettin high

please stop trying to offer your positive opinion when im tryina be a fuckin hater

do i want to be that man or do i just want to steal him from his girlfriend

sources say i’m a handsome young man

i wish it was still yesterday

nooooooo

nope, still monday. sorry to burst your bubble

I M SORRYYYYYY

lmfao i am in such bad mood, work today is absolute hell. i should have called out.

i want the ocean right now

<33333

chopped unc daughter is chill in ways that looksmaxxing son could never

yes ma’am 🙂‍↕️