a swerve, a sizzle
of raindrops on pavement, brakes
squeal for wintry mix

not fair that racing got the term 'pit stop' before deodorant could

You only need 3 ties. Wedding, funeral and job interview. That’s all the ties you ever really need.

Learned all of the music and feelings you should have as a human being just from a television experience so now I know that I am a sad and complete kind of person, I'll take it because it's closing creditsable

leaving behind old
broken hearts, heavy shoulders
and tender bruises

All my pants are wolfman pants.

Manifesting peace, love, and a little go fuck yourself for the new year

just closed 499 iphone safari tabs sight-unseen who wants me

I'm not going to let a bitter and hateful world make me the same way

rubbing a little nostalgia on my gums

Happy New Fears

Stressing over one mistake is ridiculous . . . you will probably make many more, wait and stress over all of them together.

The news isn't fair! It's always his death, her death, or theirs; but never mine

like opening an
envelope, my edges rip
jagged and unclean

with my peers i peer
over the dessert table
frangipane with pears

a wet t-shirt contest but with gasoline

Okay, I got rid of that bathwater like you asked, but promise me you won't be angry about something

a sunburnt cactus
shelters under canopy
timid arms stretching

I didn't tell you how much it cost me to drive to the healing place to make you feel bad, I told you so you would know it was real and tangible. Also I'm extra healed because no one there can fix a flat tire.

Was in the ground too long and feels like an over clipped wing to be out of it but if you really need someone on the surface, just a friendly, filthy, unaccustomed beak to light around with I guess I could do the one about how potatoes think graves are how birds must live

When I was your age, we had to turn a crank to start the internet

A Hellboy sequel where he finally grows up to be Hellman so he can take over the family mayonnaise business

If, by razzle dazzle, you mean changing my socks, this relationship just might work.

Oh no, the dozen or so people that see my posts have healthy boundaries and logged off social media to sleep or watch a nice film or have dinner or something.

The hat man is bald

when a bunch of bros get angry I like to ask what the fellas are all in a tizzy about and let me tell you that does not help

MAGICIAN: Is this your card?
ME: Oh my gosh yes!
MAGICIAN: It's been declined. Do you have another way to pay the deposit for your kid's party?

if you find a medicine that works for you, you can call yourself New and Improved