Deserves it^ words are hard

You get me 💗

I’m with my boyfriend seeing Phish at the Sphere and I hate the couple in front of me and they are distracting me

Ohhh I finally get it, Threads is where people go to trauma dump on strangers

If you watched the video of what happened to Alex Pretti, and saw anything other than a murder, you’re on the wrong side of history and humanity

Because it’s inconvenient for me, the main character of the universe, to try and keep them straight. See also: John and Jamie Oliver, and “The Big Bang Theory” and “How I Met Your Mother”

I keep forgetting that James Comer and James Comey aren’t the same person, and with all disrespect, one of them is going to need to suck it up and change their last name

I need a responsible adult to take away my phone

IN NO WAY^^^

I do my best copy editing after my posts are already uploaded

One thing the last six days have taught me is that I am NO way responsible enough to be trusted with a vape of my own

Stephen Miller is just angry ham noises that magically wished itself into a real human boy #changemymind

You either learn how to drive in high heels, or you become the person who walks around the office in professional clothes while wearing crocs, while the high heels sit politely next to the chair by your adult backpack all day 👠🎒

Of course I love her, I have two ears and a heart, don’t I?

I’m sure your partner is fine though

🥺😭❄️

The final Calvin and Hobbes, which appeared in papers 30 years ago today.

Mmhmmm 💅🏼

I have collected tens of likes on Bluesky so maybe watch your tone with me

Omgggggg I love you and phone time is the best time!!!! 🥰

I will!!! They are WILD

We had some really spooky things happen, I’d share them but the character limit is getting me 😩

I lived in a very haunted house growing up. And not just with people who would become MAGA, but an actual ghost. We found out as we were moving out that someone had been murdered and my dad got his hands on the police records to confirm it

Why are there seven sequels to “Jurassic Park”?! Lesson (singular) should have been learned after the first one. Just let the dinosaurs eat us atp #bestbest #imhelping #teamvelciraptor

It’s the WOOOOOOOORST

I just wanna say I love Meatball

van hollen immediately elevated himself to Presidential contender and all it took was being willing to fly to El Salvador, elected Democrats be advised if one of you works up the guts to throw a punch who knows where you'll go

If anyone ever tells you you're too much just remember

You absolutely are. Become a friendless hermit and have a brave squirrel for a pet. Go on adventures with Mr. Nuttybottom. Somehow end up slaying God.

YOUR sweet baby Alice sorry for being an asshole and trying to steal her 🫣

I love my sweet baby Alice 💕😭