The subject line from an email I received: I'm a bad girl and I need to be punished.

How did this become my responsibility?

I get this a lot when giving notes to newer writers. "Uh, actually, I wanted that. I wanted that part to completely take the reader out of the story, to throw them off balance, and that's why I also included a really annoying, idiotic character whose sole purpose is to grate on your nerves."

Lol

Okay, I can't resist.

Text to bro: Wayman Tisdale
Reply: Hell yea!

Text to gay friend: Blythe Danner
Reply: Hell YES!!!

Text to fop friend: Luxurious, silken ascots
Reply: INDUBITABLY!!!

Even the stuff on the value menu is like three or four dollars. Times have changed.

Joe Rogan is a fucking mark.

The process of photosynthesis.

I'm imagining you yelling all of this in Bill Burr's voice.

A very sexual, AI faux-painting of Jesus Christ and Donald J. Trump embracing homoerotically. It's a mid close-up, so there's no visual evidence that either of them are aroused, but we can assume.

Two boys just being boys, if you ask me.

This is how we're all seeing this, right?

I think there's a 0% chance we ever really get there, but, since the very beginning, Trump has been on a trajectory to force his followers to choose either him or Jesus, and he's getting so close to it I can almost taste it.

MEDUSSA: Hey, MJ. Have you ever seen the central ring of gold around my pupils? It's called "central heterochromia," and some say it really offsets the deep red of my iris, but I don't know. I feel insecure about it.

YOU: [softly chuckling] Nice try, bitch.

I'm curious what you think about the color palette of the handsome's outfit.

Almost Pizza - SNL YouTube video by Saturday Night Live

youtu.be/KLHRjaUBb3o?...

It was like Tyra Banks with her talk show (the obvious comparison, of course), where she actually started a very successful, growing daytime talk show, but then the reality of working that hard for the rest of her life set in, so she just pulled the plug on it, like, "Nope, sorry. Never mind."

You hiding under a baroque antique table while I swing a lit torch at a horde of proletariat revolutionaries screaming and waving their phones, as I scream back, "STAND BACK! HE WAS JUST JOKING! HE'S ONE OF US! OK, IT WASN'T ALL JOKES, AND HE'S SORT OF ONE OF THEM, BUT HE'S GOT A HEART OF GOLD!"

He's saying it as an aside to the boy whose left arm is as long as his whole body.

The caption about the boy's vague statement is actually the dialogue being spoken by the shark.

Bluesky will be a dying social media platform until everyone agrees I'm a sweet boy but also a very good boy.

Oh god, "Doctors who are also reply-guys" is a horror franchise.

He's so regal. Celebrities are not like us.

That whole oceanfront/cruise ship part of Uncharted III.

I'm seeing all these replies, and I'm confused. I thought the pod race was considered bad? Like, I remember when the movie came out, when I was in high school, and I thought they consensus was the pod race was way too long and frivolous by the standard of Star Wars/star wars.

Following AI models on Instagram is just the guy version of manifesting.

VIN DIESEL FAN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: "Rio" is short for "Riodayjenairo."

In the Fast & Furious movie where they go to Brazil, there's a part where Paul Walker dramatically recaps the high stakes of their big plan, and I love the thought of a 2000's-era Vin Diesel fan/gearhead thinking to himself, "Oh my God, Dom's going up against the most powerful guy in Rio??"

YOU: (delicately) Were the geese in question.... "wild," Liam?

ME: (spitting while I shout) YOU ALREADY KNOW THEY WERE, AND I THINK WE'RE DONE HERE.

Yes, those chases cost me everything and gained me nothing, but you know what: Fuck off, pal.