- the chaos is exhausting

- eventually caved because even though he was here and Nan was here. You kinda get tired of people telling you you’re wrong that you’re just giving into false hope. Those two don’t tell me that they love me no matter what. it sounds silly I know. As for soaking in the tub yeah let’s do that -

- about something. I hadn’t had a dog prior to those two since reaper. I didn’t care about anything anymore to be honest and he knew that. I mean, obviously I cared about our kids but other than that I was doing bare minimum and he was getting tired of it. I fly him so hard on those two, but I -

[I knew he was checking out my ass in these shorts, and I didn’t really mind except for the fact that I had forgotten how much he likes looking at my ass in shorts.] that’s the reason creeper gave them to me. He knew they were part of their bloodline and he was trying to get me to give a shit -

- whole thing. I figured you might.

- I’ve been meaning to give this to you for a couple weeks now but every time I sat down to think about it, I was too tired to go get it. [Honestly I couldn’t wait to see his face when he figured out the favorite dogs lineage was in the current dogs as well.] most people wouldn’t understand the -

[I stepped out of my jeans and put them in my bag, swapping them out for a pair of shorts.] oh I know they did that’s why I have something for you well, a couple things, but that particular thing is going to make you smile. [I dug through my bag for the envelope and handed it to him.] open it baby -

- be good for the night I think. if not we just walk him off the patio back here. Fancy a new edition that wasn’t here before. they didn’t allow pets before either. Otherwise we would’ve had our other babies with us that night.

- and unhook shadow from his leash. Then I quickly sent text messages to both of our sons, letting them know that we had made it to the hotel safely.] Shadow let me take your harness off Papa. [I smiled when he came to sit by my feet. I removed his harness and scratched behind his ears.] he should -

[I looked around the room. It had definitely been upgraded since the last time we were here.] I like the upgrade baby. And I really hope that is better because my back was killing me for three days last time and I had nothing to do with what you did. [The first thing I did was take off my sneakers -

Getting food and then working on words, 💜

- idea to leave the cooler with Rosie for the night. I slowly got out of the car grabbing shadow and leading him to the door. When I saw what room it was I knew for sure that my best friend had something to do with this.] baby look.

-the car as much as I loved his grandmother my body was starting to hurt. When we pulled up to the hotel, my eyes went wide. This was where my birthday party was when I turned 15.] he had to have gotten that information from Nan. I never told them where it was. [I was also thankful that I had the -

[I had to laugh because I knew Gracie would be difficult. I had no idea it would be like this and as much as people tell me she doesn’t look for my older brother or want him all the time. Part of me wonders if that’s not the issue too. I followed my husband out of the house thankful to be back in -

- at the house and I can’t handle it tonight. Can you please get us a hotel room? I’m shaking too bad to do it myself.

- thinking about it being dark when we got here. Then I had to explain everything and that’s why I’m like this right now. [She looked horrified, but she knew I was in good hands. “ Hold on, hey Vin I think Ma needs you a minute.” I waited for him to come on screen, and I smiled.] I tried to be -

- you can do that thank you for including her buddy. It means a lot. [he disappeared off the screen and then
Nan came back into focus. “Sorry about that. I can tell you’re triggered and I can tell you’re with Rosie. Are you okay?” I exhaled running my fingers through my hair.] I will be. I wasn’t -

- I was confused at first, but then Abel came into the frame. “ Gracie keeps taking all the blankets from Melody. Can I please have uncle Bubba’s blanket to lay with her with? I don’t mind sharing mine.” this was a big step for him and the amount of pride I had right now was indescribable.] Yes -

- told this one about the incident and that’s why you were shaking like a leaf.” I was about to say something else when I got a FaceTime call from Nan. “ I’m so sorry to bother you but somebody wanted to ask you a question and he’s insisting that you are the only one who can give this permission.” -

- see him because you will literally be the only one not asking him 50,000 questions about what happened or how. [she laughed and rolled her eyes, patting me on the shoulder. “I already know the answer to that I gave birth to him. This is why I don’t really talk to him anymore. I’m guessing you -

- she would be emotional, but I had no idea. She would literally come running at him full speed. “She was right I believed her by the way. Come inside my babies. Lexi you need to sit you’re shaking like a leaf.” I sat down in the kitchen keeping Shadow tight to me.] I thought you would like to -

[I walked up the steps to the front door and rang the doorbell, knowing I need to calm myself down just a little. When Rosita came to the door, she was smiling until she noticed my hands. “ what is it? Was he at the house?” I shook my head, stepping to the side a little so she could see E. I knew -

- didn’t think that talking about everything with you like this would cause such a reaction but it did and I’m afraid if I stay here it’s gonna get worse. Are you OK to drive to her house because I am shaking so bad I don’t wanna drive.

[I looked at E and shook my head.] I always make him patrol. I don’t think I can stay here tonight. I want to but I’m struggling. [I started to cry again and I had a death grip on his shoulders.] We’ll go to Rosita’s with shadow and then I will call Vinny. He can get us a hotel for the night. I -

Getting up and then there will be replies out 💜

- before I found you. He was there. I stayed as far away from him as possible I think that’s why I ran to my mother get me out of there. I don’t even think Junior knew he was there if he did he would’ve been dead.

- not something I could tell Papa. Believe me, baby I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard, but I just can’t do it. I think he knows something happened but he’s never asked. Pedro sticks close if he thinks Jess is gonna be around. I try not to be anywhere. He’s going to be that meeting that papa had -

- really want to keep talking about this, but if I didn’t, I would never do it again.] that’s a lot of the reason Dante has been really attached. there’s only a handful of people who know. He must’ve had friends in the police department or something. I don’t know. I don’t go anywhere alone. It’s -

[I must’ve cried in his chest for a solid ten minutes before I lifted my head up.] I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner. I’ve tried to bury it so has Pedro. When he came in and he asked for a name, I told him, but I paying him to go to the hospital with me. The boys were still in school. [I didn’t -

- Despite the proof of the blood and bruises and our dead dog. [I stopped, then I knew he could figure out the rest.] Papa and Diaz don’t know. Only a few people do. Our sons, Nan, and probably Belle, because a kit was done. That’s why I moved in with Creep. Jesse still scares me.