I think ~ Swinton is underrated.

10 hour flight and the seat next to me is empty. Only one rational thing to do now: use their screen to play The Muppet Christmas Carol 6 and a half times.

Are you 100% neurotypical? Or do you have a collection of pin badges?

“He could’ve run for president.”

Do you reckon someone in the future finally got a Time Machine working?

I would argue “two thousand and four” is 4 words on its own.

I’ve been trying to find a way round it;

“Bitcoin until Starmer” for example.

You get to go back in time and only say 3 words to your younger self.

What do you say?

Never forget that before women had divorce, they had poison.

Yeah I sent them a message.

I also mentioned it to the train manager, but we’re at the final station in 2 minutes. He didn’t seem too interested. Thanks @lner.co.uk

Quick update:
I politely called out his videos. Pointing out that he was in the quiet coach.

He got aggressive & threatening. Genuinely unsettling.

He’s calmed down, but put his feet on the chair next to mine, essentially blocking me into my window seat…

I should’ve let him have the seat…

The phone call consisted of him saying “no no… I’m okay…”

Then falling asleep on the phone.

How could I tell?
He started snoring then dropped his phone, still on the call.

This is wild. Who needs TV?

Oooh! He was just woken up by a phone call.

He’s getting a phone call; we’re getting a lore dump!

The ticket inspector came along, and he immediately pretended to be asleep…

I now believe he’s ACTUALLY asleep due to the commitment, the snoring and the fact he’s left his phone on the table unlocked and with notifications on LOUD

Pure psychopath behaviour…

Okay, he immediately pulled out his phone and started watching Jesus based TikToks at full volume.

This is the quiet coach… but I’m definitely too british to say anything.

He might just be a dick.

Currently on a train from York to London:

There was someone in my seat who was adamant that I was wrong.

It took a group (A GROUP!) of people to explain how seat numbers work.

He reluctantly ended up moving to the seat opposite.

Is he crazy or high? Stay tuned to find out.

A split photo of Ralph Ineson as Galactus in The Fantastic Four: First Steps and as Amycus Carrow in Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows #translivesmatter

Fun Fact:
Ralph Ineson just became the first actor to appear on screen as a named character in both the Marvel Cinematic Universe (37 films) AND the Harry Potter series (8 films)

Galactus (The Fantastic Four: First Steps) and Amycus Carrow (Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows)

Happy Constitution Day to all my Norwegian friends.

And to celebrate, here is a biblically accurate NORwegian flag:

Haha! My currently cruise line is trying to discourage that. They want to get away from that sort of thing being associated with their brand… I’ll let you know! 😂

I live on cruise ships; It’s going to happen again.

I will never know how to react when a man starts dancing to S-Club 7 in front of me in line for a sandwich…

But surely :O is Kirby in suck mode, just lying down?

Also: your mum’s in sucky mode…

Why do we keep using :O to represent shock 😮 when we have a perfectly valid ö right there?!

I don’t trust people who make an effort to look good when travelling.

Just accept it, and look like crap like the rest of us!

I’m going to start bulk buying and carrying round cheap earphones.
So I can give them to the poor, underprivileged people who are forced to make phone calls and watch videos at full volume in public.

Unrelated, anyone know where I can get custom printed earphones that say “DON’T BE A DICK!”

There is also a special place in hell for people that have loud phone calls on speaker SAT NEXT TO ME ON THE PLANE!

[we haven’t taken off yet but still…]

Could Thor put his hammer down on a boat?
Urgent.

Tom Crosbie: PENN & TELLER FOOLED by White Rubik’s Cube & Pure Skill! (Full FOOL US Performance) YouTube video by Tom Crosbie

I did a thing.

Hey friends! 🇺🇸

Tonight is my US TV debut! 😬
Friends in America - keep an eye out on The CW for tonight’s episode of Penn & Teller: Fool Us!

We filmed this back in July, and I’ve been SO excited about it since!!

(UK & “other” friends: it’ll be on YouTube by the time you wake up 😅)

⬜️

What do you mean “save your address”? Doesn’t everyone just message you to ask for your address every time I visit?

“The fourth pig’s house was built from wolf skulls. It wasn’t as sturdy, but it sent a message.”

There is a special place in hell for people that say “7am in the morning” or “9pm in the evening”.