I saw this "Far Side" cartoon from December 6, 1987, and couldn't believe it was real. But it is. That Gary Larson--he was forty years ahead of his time.

Gotta know the runner there, Nico.

Cubs signed Dansby for his bat.

Dave Kingman’s junior high basketball coach was future NIU coach John MacDougal. I asked John about him once and he said, “Kingman was an asshole in junior high, too.”

…sitting there on top. A guy was looking at the can because of the noise. To him, I walked out of the hardware store, heard an alarm, reached in, grabbed something, stomped on it, ended the noise, then tossed it back in, and walked off.

I had a badass moment with the old one I originally replaced. The battery was dying and it would chirp but it would also randomly go off. So I took it with me to Ace and threw it in their outdoor garbage. While I was checking out I could hear it was going off. So on my way out I looked and it was…

Moises would have done that.

…so I destroyed it with a baseball bat. I took the pieces to Ace Hardware today and they exchanged it with no receipt with questions asked. I told the guy I was kind of surprised because it was past the 30 day window and I obliterated the thing. The guy just said, “It gave you no choice.”

We had a smoke detector go bad at 2:30 last night (only a month old) and once I confirmed the house wasn’t on fire and couldn’t get it to stay silenced, I took it to the garage to disable it. Tore the little disable panel off the back, but it broke weird and I couldn’t rip out the 10 year battery…

It’s the only bin they have.

I guess Matt Shaw won’t be at the Cubs’ games this weekend.

I was worried when he didn't hit one up eight on Wednesday. But he's back. Every year he gets half of his homers and 70 percent of his RBIs in 25 games and then sucks shit for 137 games and we're supposed to pretend he's not worthless.

Nobody has more homers with his team up or down six runs in baseball history than Hollow Stat Ian Happ.

Taylor: “I think the question is what super power you’d like to have. I’d like to be invisible.”

How about mute?

Happ said he was going to put the team on his back and then did just that. Selfless, not in it for the glory. Just a clean strike out to set up run production

Key to the inning was Happ striking out instead of grounding into a double play.

What a leader.

two men are sitting at a table with their arms crossed and the word boom is above them . ALT: two men are sitting at a table with their arms crossed and the word boom is above them .

Mo.

I’ve got Benge Fever!

Way to keep the double play in order for Happ.

Good hustle, Bregman.

Seiya caught that door with his face.

The best.

a man in a black shirt with the words whoa whoa slow down written on it ALT: a man in a black shirt with the words whoa whoa slow down written on it

Of course it took a mystery bidder to defeat such an aggressive bid from Desipio Media Ventures.

I offered $4.2 billion for the Padres. A dollar a year for 4,200,000,000 years.

ooh good an excuse to mention that in college a friend submitted a formal bid to buy the royals when the Kauffman Trust sold them. $5000 up front, $99,995,000 deferred.

Terrible news. Just found out my bid to by the Padres fell short by $3.9 billion. There goes my big idea of holding a Steve Garvey Day and dropping a metric ton of horse diarrhea on him.

Looks like he heard the Bears need a center.

Podcast: The roster makes no sense We give Jed some advice as to how to best use his players

OK, I forgot to send out the newsletter yesterday with this week's pod in it. So here you go. Even if you've already listened to the podcast, check this out if only for the video at the end which shows what I think is the funniest death in movie history. www.pointlessexercise.com/podcast-the-...