I imagine the assassin has already returned to the future.

running late.

also: couldn't find the emergency escape portal from this curséd timeline, so I guess I'm gonna be late.

if anyone sees signs of that exit portal, share the clues. we'll find the damn thing yet.

An underlying assumption to a lot of alternate history is that our timeline is the best of all possible outcomes. It perhaps explains why there are so many dystopias or otherwise pessimistic alternatives.

But this blinds people to our own timeline's problems because they are seen as inevitable.

This really is the stupidest timeline.

How Elon Musk and Peter Thiel almost died in a 2000 car crash The crash could have killed Elon Musk and Peter Thiel and also destroyed PayPal — the company that revolutionized e-commerce — before it even began.

Eight months before Bush v. Gore

I am a weaselverse truther

Last night's dream:

A TIME MACHINE was invented! The technology was there!

However, its use was limited to a small number of very rich tech bros, who used it exclusively to play a game they called "BUTTERFLY STOMP".

61 Years Later, A 'Star Trek' Visionary Is Rebooting 3 Forgotten Sci-Fi Shows How much 1960s sci-fi nostalgia can we handle? Akiva Goldsman is remaking three Irwin Allen TV series: 'Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea,' 'Land of the Giants,' and 'The Time Tunnel.'

www.inverse.com/entertainmen...

a man in a captain america costume is holding his hand to his mouth and saying i do ! ALT: a man in a captain america costume is holding his hand to his mouth and saying i do !

Oh yeah. I hate being stuck in the wrong splinter timeline where all the pop culture stuff is vaguely... familiar? but just, off. The actual point of divergence is decades back and until you get that & get a Capt America moment you're lost

ME: *standing in a WWI trench holding a smoking pistol over the body of dispatch runner Adolf Hitler* okay who's the greatest monster of the 20th century NOW

MY HANDLER: *in a control room in 1989* Mike Love

ME: oh shit it worked, terrifi-

MY HANDLER: the Undying, Lord of the Wastes,

ME: fuck!

Chronozens stuck in the new splinter [001A7C0E1, designated "TwoNickels"] who require assistance getting to their home timeline or temporary asylum in any safe adjacent timeline, we apologize. Transport services have been temporarily overloaded by travelers coming back to fix, ah, "everything"

We have officially entered the stupidest timeline

In an alternate timeline we're constantly asking the Human Torch to do smoke alarm PSAs, but he never calls us back.

Time traveler from 1925 emerges from his brass and dials time machine, we talk.

TT: So even a century hence you had a Spanish Flu? But most people could stay home, ride it out, & have education & entertainment beamed to them? Incredible! Lord, how grateful they must be!

Me: *sigh* Friend...

'Time Traveler' From The Year 2671 Issues Several Dire Warnings For 2025 A self-proclaimed time-traveler from the year 2671 has shared several warnings about the worst natural disasters he claims will occur in 2025. He also

We never issued this guy a travel visa, & can't verify from our records that he's a "time traveler".

[We're not the only CRNO operating in this splinter timeline so... maybe? but probably not]

brobible.com/culture/arti...

A weathered copper zippo style lighter that has the engraving “Sometimes the future is bullshit”

Found this in a box of old convention stuff! Not prescient at all! I have a vague recollection it was gifted to me by @rstevens.bsky.social ?

Me in a gray t-shirt for the Institute for Temporal Exploration at the University of Chicago, which will not yet have existed, depending on when you read this

Oh, so you don't know about The Institute for Temporal Exploration at the University of Chicago? Well, I guess it's just not your time, then

ha ha, yeah. "What if" everyone could just head back in time. That would be wacky, and not any sort of eternal headache for the poor customer service folks working for the travel agencies.

Thank you for screaming into the void. Your scream is very important to us.

Unfortunately we are experiencing an exceptionally high volume of screams right now. You may wish to scream into the void later.

This is kind of funny but I don't think people should be misrepresenting the Harry Palmer movie franchise this way.

What's that? Who's James Bond?

...

Oh crap.

We're having difficulty dealing with the volume of requests this morning, but please bear with us as we work through the backlog.

We've had to recalibrate what counts as 'normal' to account for new events within two sigma of standard but most customer service outcomes should not be affected

The Scottish Sunday Herald TV guide featured this preview of the Trump inauguration.

It’s fucking brilliant.

Chronozens stuck in the new splinter [7E9001A7, unstable, designated "RainOfLemons"] should be aware that travel to adjacent timelines is still not possible, and we're still working to establish a temporary route around the current recursion causing the blocks. Your patience is appreciated.

We live in the dumbest timeline imaginable. You can't convince me otherwise.

Magpie 2024 Recap Total Subs 237

Some really cool numbers if you wanna help me make them bigger numbers, I'd appreciate it.

a man in a shirt that says let 's go on it Alt: Doc from Back to the future saying "let's go!"

Alright, everyone in the time machine, we're going back to pump up magpies numbers