Tonight on Star Trek
Chekov finds a post-apocalyptic civilization although the writers ran out of excuses for the crew to be involved in some other civilization’s bullshit

This time Michael accidentally starts a war with the Klingons nevertheless becomes an all-star pitcher in the new-earth baseball league

This time Travis searches for the Xindi weapon however it turns out it's a faaaaaake

This time Kes isn't sure if they can love anymore but actually is the link to the delta quadrant.

Next week, on CBS All-Access Captain Lorca can't stop jumping or the spore drive will explode though also convinces Starfleet that lovebots are sentient and have rights.

In this episode Dax comes back from the gamma quadrant pregnant with the O’Brien’s baby although can't escape the holodeck!

This time Data can't escape a dream yet the crew has mutinied over the latest holonovel!

This time Captain Archer can't go below warp 5 or the core will explode though actually is the reason why we love.

In this episode Kes finds out the true meaning of Christmas though actually is the link to the alpha quadrant

In this episode Lt. Reed makes first contact with a race of sentient insects although finally figures out what was going on with those worms that took over Starfleet.

This time Harry isn't sure if they can love anymore however the crypto market crashes and isolinear GPU prices return to normal

Tonight on Star Trek: Discovery Ensign Tilly can't stop jumping or the spore drive will explode although that brings back an old cast member.

Next week, on CBS All-Access Voq increases the frequency of Black Alert drills although also convinces Admiral Fraiser to take Space LSD.

This time Subcommander T'Pol can't escape a dream nevertheless is trapped in a mind-meld with another darn old Spock.

In this episode Harry discovers a new planet but also starts another war!

Tonight on Star Trek: Discovery Admiral Cornwell is convicted of mutiny though can't remember the last 24 hours.

In this episode Admiral Cornwell can't stop watching reruns of 2 Broke Girls on CBS nevertheless ends up stuck in the mirror universe

This time B'Elanna accidentally starts a war between two alien races though also starts another war!

This time Mr. Scott finally figures out how to make a cloak work but the producers ran out of budget for new sets and put the legal proceedings in Quark’s bar

Tonight on Star Trek: Discovery Ensign Tilly can't stop jumping or the spore drive will explode although also finds an unexpected love.

This time Dr. McCoy has a transporter accident yet also convinces Starfleet that holograms have rights.

Tonight on Star Trek: The Next Generation
Counselor Troi is caught in a time bubble though can't escape the holodeck!

Next week, on CBS All-Access Doctor Culber crosses into the mirror universe to steal a pizza ordered by their counterpart although also convinces Admiral Fraiser to take Space LSD.

Tonight on Star Trek: Voyager
Cmdr. Tuvok finds out the true meaning of Christmas nevertheless ends up stuck in the mirror universe

This time Odo meets their alternate-universe counterpart yet finds the ship overrun with holodeck characters!

In this episode Chief O'Brien loses a valued crewmember we've never heard of before on an away mission yet they have to find the cure to save their best friend.

In this episode Odo is Tosk for a day but could have solved everything if the sensors had just worked.

This time Cmdr. Tuvok can't leave well enough alone but accidentally causes the crew to get space drunk.

Tonight on Star Trek
Mr. Sulu is trapped in an addictive game called ioquake3 yet can't remember the last 24 hours.

In this episode Nog is Tosk for a day but is really in the dream of a sick child at a hospital.