LOT OF PEIPLE ASKING ME IF I, SIR KEIR STARMER, REALLY AM SIR KEIR STARMER. AND I HAVE TO ADMIT, I’M NOT. I’M ACTUALLY THIS GUY

I, SIR KEIR STARMER, FEEL FINE ABOUT ALL OF THIS

HAVING A MOUTH SUCKS. WHY MUST I BE HYPER AWARE OF THIS ONE DAMP ROOM IN MY HEAD

I, SIR KEIR STARMER, WILL BE FULLY CLEARED OF ALL CHARGES AND WILL SOMEDAY BOARD AN ESCALATOR TO HEAVEN

FUNICULARS ARE RIDE OR DIE FOR ME IN THAT I WILL EITHER RIDE THE FUNICULAR OR WILL OTHERWISE DIE HAVING NOT RIDDEN THE FUNICULAR

THIS IS MY BUS STOP AND I WILL RAIN HELLFIRE ON ANYONE WHO WOULD TOUCH IT

BEEN CALLED A HIPSTER AT WORK ( WHERE I ALSO TYPE AND SPEAK IN ALL CAPS EXCLUSIVELY). BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME. I’M OLD AND TIRED. I’M BARELY HUMAN

I, SIR KIER STARMER, HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG

THIS SHOULDN’T BE AN ISSUE. THE WORST THING WE EVER INVENTED WAS THE BAG. THIS ARTIFICIAL INFLATION OF THE QUANTITY OF THINGS WE CAN CARRY IS A DIRECT PRECURSOR TO THE AVARICE AND GLUTTONY THAT PLAGUES OUR AGE. THAT SAID, THERESA IS RIGHT. SHE IS BASICALLY FRENCH. THAT MAKES HER PACKING STYLE GOOD

[TOM CLANCY SPEAKING FROM HELL] THIS IS MY SPLINTER CELL. THIS IS MY RAINBOW SIX

IT’S SO FUNNY THAT THERE’S A LUGGAGE BRAND CALLED AMERICAN TOURISTER. PROUDLY DISPLAYING ON YOUR BACKPACK THAT YOU ARE PART OF A GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE ELSE HATES

GYM FOR KIDS

THIS TWEET - LIKE ALL MY TWEETS - IS DEDICATED TO THE IBM CORPORATION. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK GUYS!

THE PRESENCE OF RESTALRIG IMPLIES THE EXISTENCE OF RELAXATIONALRIG

BROMANCING THE STONES

THIS WAS SELF INDULGENT BUT WHAT CAN I SAY? I AM BORED AND WANTED TO PROMOTE THE MUSIC I HAVE MADE

11. LAST NIGHT I SAW - IDK WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS. IT’S QUIET AND THEN IT IS LOUD. EASIEST SONG TO RECORD ON HERE BY FAR. HAS A GUITAR SOLO!!

10. STONE FIELD - ORIGINALLY THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A VERY LINEAR SONG WITH A LONG CHORD PROGRESSION THAT NEVER REPEATS OR RESOLVES ACROSS THE WHOLE SONG. IN THE END IT MOSTLY STAYS ON THE ONE CHORD FOR MOST OF THE RUNTIME. I MADE A VERSION OF THIS THAT WAS SLOWED DOWN 2X AND IT SOUNDED AMAZING

9. TIMES NEW ROMAN - I WAS REALLY PROUD OF HAVING WRITTEN THIS AND ITS CHORDS AND THINGS BUT JESUS IT WAS HARD TO RECORD. HARDEST ONE HERE BY FAR DESPITE BEING SO SIMPLE. I THINK THE GUITAR SOUNDS A BIT LIKE ELECTRIC PIANO, WHICH IS NICE

8. SOMETHING FELL - I GOT REALLY INTO THE BAND MILKWEED AND WHILE THIS DOESN’T SOUND LIKE THEM MUCH IT IS VERY INFLUENCED BY THE SINPLE TRAD MELODIES ETC THEY USE. BIG NOISE BIT AT THE END IS THE SONG BEING SAMPLED BACK ON TOP OF ITSELF AND PROCESSED VIA MODULAR SYNTH

7. IN THE COURTYARD - IDK THIS IS KIND OF A LO FI BEATLES RIPOFF. REALLY SIMPLY RECORDED AND ALMOST ENTIRELY ACOUSTIC. HAD THE WINDOW OPEN WHEN I RECORDED IT AND YOU CAN HEAR SIRENS AND ROADWORKS ETC THROUGHOUT

6. INTRIGUED BY MICROPLASTICS - SHORTEST SONG ON HERE BUT I LIKED TRYING TO FIT THREE VERSES, A BRIDGE, A SHOEGAZEY BREAKDOWN AND A KRAUTROCK BIT IN TO A SUB 3 MINUTE SONG

5. ANOTHER DAY AT THE INSTITUTE - I ALWAYS LOVED HOW THE ART ROCK GUYS IN THE 70S LIKE BOWIE, ENO, BYRNE ETC WERE REALLY INTO BRINGING FUNK MUSIC ELEMENTS INTO THEIR NERDY WEE SONGS. THIS IS SORT OF INFLUENCED BY THAT AND ALSO A CONTINUATION OF THE SONG BEFORE IT

4. MORNINGSIDE DEATH CULT - THIS IS A COLLAGE OF FOUND SOUNDS PROCESSED VIA MODULAR SYNTHESISER, OVERLAID WITH A COMPUTER VOICE SAYING OVERHEARD PHRASES FROM AROUND THE NEIGHBOURHOOD. I TIMESTRETCHED THE VOICE AND PITCH SHIFTED IT SO IT SORT OF HARMONISES WITH ITSELF

3. WINTER 3 - THIS IS THE SAME AS AN OLD SONG I WROTE CALLED WINTER 1. WANTED IT TO SOUND A BIT LIKE GODDESS EYES II BY JULIA HOLTER PLUS SKY SAW BY BRIAN ENO. ALL MUSIC EASEL AND A CHEAP FRETLESS ACOUSTIC BASS I GOT AT A CHARITY SHOP. DRUMS ARE OUT OF TIME BECAUSE I HAVE A VERY BAD SENSE OF RHYTHM

2. BEING COLLAPSING INWARD - I TUNED MY ACOUSTIC GUITAR TO OPEN E AND THIS SONG BASICALLY CAME OUT AS SOON AS I STARTED PLAYING AROUND. LOT OF DIFFERENT PARTS AND CHORDS HERE. LOT OF MUSIC EASEL SOUNDS. I LIKED THE WEIRD TENSION BETWEEN THE 7/8 ARPEGGIO AND 4/4 STRUMMING AT THE START

1. CALA HOMES - REAL SIMPLE SONG. ONLY USES TWO STRINGS ON THE GUITAR. I NEVER REALLY THINK ABOUT LYRICS BUT I SORT OF WANTED THIS TO BE ABOUT SIMPLE DOMESTIC HAPPINESS VS THE SCREAMING HELL OF THE OUTSIDE WORLD. HAS ABOUT 10 TRACKS OF FUZZ GUITAR ON IT

HERE’S A SONG BY SONG RUNDOWN

I DON’T KNOW MAN. GIVE THIS A LISTEN. IT’S FRIDAY! SONGS FOR GUITAR AND SYNTHESISER (AND OTHER THINGS) ABOUT MORNINGSIDE, DEATH, BEING HAUNTED, STRUGGLING FOR CONTENTEDNESS

ALDA IS RIGHT: RACHEL MUST CEASE THIS IMMEDIATELY. LOOK AT THE MESS MIXING HAS GOT US IN. CONTAMINATED WATER. MICROPLASTICS IN OUR BRAINS. NON-PRIMARY COLOURS EVERYWHERE. ALDA’S BOLD ANTI-ENTROPY STANCE IS VITAL. HER DREAM, A UNIVERSE AS A COLLECTION OF DISCRETE PILES OF ATOMS, MUST BE MADE REALITY