thinking of cleaning some stuff up here, I just need to save my dream logs

I do not see anything

just scratching lightly at a not affected part of my leg so I dont make anything worse but also dont feel like exploding otherwise

s/h is lowkey normalized in my life just as me constantly scratching at my skin whether or not its itchy, its just been a coping mechanism since forever for me

my mom keeps yelling at me to stop picking at my skin and when I say I cant help it she just says "yes you can" BRUH NO I CANT

anyways

horribly horribly restless rn like the only thing calming me rn is moving around in bed constantly or inflicting pain restless

im so glad I got those hydrocolloid bandages for any wounds in bad shape rn otherwise id prob be bleeding alr from scratching at them

I feel like she should anyways im a lazy selfish horrible person

I think my mom hates me

im in public and trying not to remember i exist cause ill feel like immediately breaking down knowing people are perceiving me (I purposely slept 2 hours for this reason)

the goat is back haiiiii

I look like a decaying corpse.

the face of horror i just made

im like sickening levels of anxious for some reason rn (its cause I didnt take my meds yday and the withdrawals are eating me despite taking them today lmaooo)

this is the worst my skin has ever been at, and the only thing keeping me sane from it rn is the fact that I dont have to go outside anywhere. I dont want to be seen like this, I hate looking like this with my skin being all scaly looking and leaking (im not going into details on that its gross)

bro really said "at at this point",,, im not thinking right rn lmao

I really cant have mental breakdowns in the shower cause ill almost always end up scratching another wound open

I reopened the wound on my neck (caused by my skin conditions btw its just horrible placement) from scratching it i might have to bandage it so I dont keep reopening it

imma be looking like my h/sr sona at atp, covered in bandages from my own ailments

I feel disgusting and appalling to even look at i want to tear it all off

I wish I didnt feel so repulsed by my own body lmaoooo I canr stand it at all I hate it I hate it oughhh I feel like a bumpy deformed lizard thats constantly shedding

guess who aggressively scrubbed their entire body for 40 mins in the shower till it was red ??????? 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

hhhhgvbhgvbcfbbggĝhhhhhhggg

intense urge to cut myself off from everyone

im in a constant state of being stuck in the middle of this thing free me get me out of here release me

thoughts invade me (I am repulsive and my friends dont like me and I shouldn't be here)

my period started early lmaooooo now my mom is gonna yell at me more for not cleaning the washroom sooner

for the past few nights, my heart rate has been going up while I try to sleep and idk why

kind of inconvenient

free me oughhhhh

me on video with friends: joyous and full of whimsy !!

me immediately after I leave call: the void is all consuming and will devour me whole.

seriously though why do I feel my mood dip as soon as I end calls

how to make your parents understand you do not have high-functioning depression anymore and it takes a significant amount of energy for you to do simpler things, much less clean a whole bathroom, and make them stop yelling at you multiple times a day for not doing it

I really cant bring myself to

terrible thoughts

why cant i just drop dead huh

horrible horrible feeling today ough

everyone in this house is radiating bad vibes