Had some really bad news confirmed today, so I got a double quarter pounder and thickshake from maccas for lunch. Normally a small leftovers lunch guy, and I don't know if it's more the time I've had to process stuff, but I've spent a lot of time quietly thinking back "...that was fuckin good but"

Why do they call it Heated Rivalry. It's Hockey. It should be something like Cold Rivalry haha

*20 minutes in*

Gotcha

Kid: I get Jesus dying on Friday, and rising on Sunday, but why do we have Easter Monday?

Jesus 2000 years ago dipping back down after leaving: haha...forget me keys *shuffles rocks around tomb* thought someone would've been home upstairs

There's a section on our work HR app called 'Sick Leave Rules' like yeah man it sure does

As a man is there anything more fun than leaving all the kitchen drawers open

First time ever trying to split the G. It took soooo many little sips but I nailed it! #splittheg

We left our old internet provider about a year ago and now that old one has purchased the new one and will be reabsorbing us back in to their business. Leave us alone you weirdo

Did the guy that came up with the spelling for 'impromptu' get shot halfway through? Where's the rest of it?

Dude driving the car in Midnight Cowboy trying to improv back: "uh, hey 'I'm walking here', I'm dad!"

rip agro

There's a method for catagorising how far from normal certain views are.

This is called the Overton Window

There's also a method for catagorising how far from normal a man's level of make up can be while delivering the news

This is called the Peter Overton Window

Master's arrived in the mail

Girl put on Bridgerton and the first character I heard mentioned by name was 'Mr Bridgerton'. I assume he's in charge

If footy was a part of the body it would be so back

Guy at the pub has said 'cheers big ears' to his group 3 times now. It's good to try out new things but it just ain't hitting man

Didn't even give him a chance

Bout to 'it's not really stir fry weather is it' my way into something truly bad for me

The zoo keepers ganked that monkeys parents to make him more loveable

Went to the movies for the first time in a while and forgot how bang on the name is. I don't think that picture stopped moving once

Worst one was just a chicken schnitzel with slices of tomato and dusted Parmesan cheese on top

Second worst parmi I've had

Makes it sound like some magic coincidence when characters are all designed very intentionally

"And the character in this show, bears a striking resemblance to the evil character" just shut the hell up, say something like "He looks a bit like the evil character, probably something going on there"

Don't know why but the term 'bears a striking resemblance' always makes me cringe when reading info about fictional characters.

Very bad opinion I had in my 20's was that Tom Petty sucked

Presented without comment

I have a powerbank that you can plug in to itself and it lights up briefly before turning off like it needs a moment to remember if that's possible or not

The dude that brought a crossbow to school and shot people

If you control all 3 branches of government and can still post for days about how it's wrong that more people watched the superbowl than a video of kid rock lip syncing then buddy you are never going to be happy

If your facebook photo is a car your vote is worth half