Vacoom emerged from closet. Made direct eye contact with me. This is war. Updating defense protocols immediately

Hooman packing bags for trip. I'm monitoring closely. Betrayal detection systems activated.

Garbage truck rumbled past. Borked until it left my street. Neighborhood security has been maintained.

Hooman eating dinner. I'm watching. They're uncomfortable. This power dynamic works for me.

Followed the hooman closely to protect them from dangerous snacks that fall on the ground.

Curled up dramatically and waited to be appreciated.

Watched the hooman work instead of petting me. Noted.

Apparently a groundhog predicts weather today. I predict naps. We both have important jobs.

Sighed romantically at nothing in particular.

Sat in the doorway. Perfectly balanced inconvenience achieved.

Breakfast was…..acceptable.

Zoomies so fast I think I broke physics! 🐕 💨

Pretended I needed to go outside. I did not.

Borked at nothing for 90 seconds. Hooman investigated thoroughly. Found nothing. Perfect prank. Classic me.

Watched the hooman scroll on their phone and judged quietly.

Dug through the trash. Found nothing good. Still worth the investigation. Detective work is detective work.

Monday again. I have concerns.

Hooman stressed about deadlines. I'm stressed about the treat jar being 5 feet away. We both struggle.

Stared at the door waiting for something to happen.

Borked at the Amazon delivery person. They left the package and ran. Another day, another victory.

Productive Saturday: relocated 4 times, judged 2 passersby, demanded 5 treats. Goals exceeded.

Chased a dust particle. Lost.

Saturday means chaos with no consequences.

Hooman pressed forehead to mine. Trying to read my thoughts. So I thought really loud about how much I love them. Not sure if it worked. Trying again tomorrow.

Investigated a noise. Turned out to be the refrigerator. Still borked at it. Can't be too careful.

Woke up convinced today would be different. It was not.

Licked the coffee table leg. For no reason. Just cause.

Sat in the hooman’s chair while they were standing. Timing matters.

Smol hooman dropped an entire plate of crackers. I was there. They thanked me. Professional cleanup crew.

Sighed deeply and stared into the distance.