ICYMI

Suburbialis Clangum: A Melodic Guide to Your Neighborhood Wilderness (Encore Post) Nature May Abhor a Vacuum, but Suburbia Sure Loves a Leaf Blower.

Hello, please enjoy the following (encore!) nonsense while I shut the windows.

Suburbialis Clangum: A Melodic Guide to Your Neighborhood Wilderness (Encore Post)
open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...

I'm sure that sharing this here will go well.

While I've not done standup comedy, I can say that I experienced Louis CK -type garbage in the improv scene. Which is why I am no longer in the improv scene.

ICYMI

What I lack in skill, I make up for in lack of enthusiasm.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fran What I Read March 2026

Come for the “During an unscheduled visit to an upper cabinet, I rediscovered a Rubbermaid 20 Deviled Egg Keeper Storage Container (with lid!). I assume my husband brought it to the marriage, because this is not my spiritual tradition.”

Stay for the book reviews.

open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...

An old tweet from thoughts of dog saying “I wasn’t a good dog today April fools I was so good”

This is the only April Fools' prank I like.

Why We Have So Many Girl Scout Cookies (I Know How This Looks)

Please enjoy my latest nonsense while I finish stocking my cookie bunker.

Why We Have So Many Girl Scout Cookies
open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...

The Equal Rights Amendment Does Her First Open Mic Night How’s everyone doing tonight?

Pulling this out of the archives for Women’s History Month.

The Equal Rights Amendment Does Her First Open Mic Night
open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...

Please proofread your Substonk.

Just took our sons to vote for their first time. The awesome workers announced “First time voter!” and clapped for them. It was so sweet.

ICYMI

Three episodes into Starfleet Academy, and I'm finding it Muppet coded and pretty fricking delightful.

Spines, NyQuil, and Staring At the Ceiling What I Read February 2026

Hello, please enjoy this semi-literary nonsense while I continue learning that you cannot cough sexy. You just can’t.

Spines, NyQuil, and Staring At the Ceiling. open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...

I'm not holding anyone's hand when I say this (because I have the flu), but if the only reason you don't vote for a woman is because you don't think she'll get enough votes to win, may whatever God you believe in bless you with some common sense upside the head. Maybe twice.

ICYMI

In Attendance Also, a Coat

I regret to inform you that I still have not been crowned Queen of the Gym Bleachers, Sovereign of Decorum.

This and other nonsense in my latest post:
open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...

Opening the door while you're knocking (or a microsecond after) means you don't understand knocking.

Your Football Talk Is Ruining My Super Bowl Celebration: A Big Day Reminder Please review before anyone touches your ancestral 7-layer bean dip.

Hello! Please read this reheated piece if you are (or are not) attending a dip-centered gathering today.

open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...

Drinking a soda that has a little icon saying it’s Vegan and that’s probably why I don’t like it, it’s missing the gristle.

He is vile. He is despicable. He is rancid.

Stop the Steal! Norway is Coming for America's Olympic Medals Patriot, this may be the MOST IMPORTANT and SHOCKING email we ever send you.

In case you need a brief and possibly funny break from The Horrors, here's a piece I wrote a few years ago about Norway OBVIOUSLY rigging the Winter Olympics.

open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...

You may now resume doomscrolling.

Riccardo Cioni - In America (Discoring) - 1982 HD & HQ YouTube video by Vdj Lou Official Italy (RAVENNA)

This may not make sense to you until Sunday night. Even then, it may not make sense.

youtu.be/Y2ltgYT7js0?...

I Feel Bad About My [*Waves Around Wildly*] What I Read January 2026

Please enjoy my nonsense about reading in the Time of Monsters while I track down who replaced my brain with pudding.

WARNING: I used the phrase, "Well, smack my jukebox and call me Fonzie," and I'm not apologizing unless my lawyer suggests otherwise.

open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...

Bernice king’s message about the shooting of Alex Pretti

Minnesota 💜

What Dangles From Your Trailer Hitch (Encore Post) Bringing back a favorite from the archives, lightly edited for your pleasure.

With all apologies to Rousseau, Hobbes, and pretty much everyone else.

What Dangles From Your Trailer Hitch (Encore Post)
open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...

"If you even cast a glance at something that may or may not make you look like some sort of elvish tart in a middling fantasy series, a sales associate will apparate and ask if you’ve considered a serum."

ICYMI