"Hi Peter, we stumbled upon your resume in our database and think you would be perfect for this role!"

Proceeds to describe a role I am not remotely qualified for.

The best is when you think of something in chapter seventeen that retroactively makes a throwaway comment in chapter 2 foreshadowing without having to go back.

Yesterday, while playing Mario Kart with my family:
Me: "Did you guys know Rosalinda was Peach's mom?"
8 y/o son: "No, how do you know?"
MeL: "I just found out today."
Son: "Where did you find out?"
Me: "A meme."
Son: "Can I see it?"
Me, remembering the meme: "No."

There's no auto recovery version? I feel like Word is the only software I have used where I haven't lost work.

His and Hers monogrammed belt daggers.

100sq feet of silk sheets.

A Magician Aid Mixer

Your D&D character has a bag of holding full of wedding presents. What's in it?

Sorry to everyone in Europe and Asia, but A4 paper makes terrible paper airplanes.

Award for worst drug commercial side effect I ever heard goes to: "Side effects may include infection between the anus and genitals. Both may be fatal."

Guys, chill out with the 2 factor authentication. I don't need a text when signing into my fast food rewards program or my doggy daycare app.

I don't understand; despite getting to use spreadsheets, filing taxes isn't fun.

I thought spreadsheets were always fun.

Its 1999, Im at my friend's house playing Diablo 2 and his dad tells us to go outside.

Its 2026, my son has friends over, and I'm telling them to go outside so I can play Diablo 2 in peace.

Much like with lumber, Its important to inspect your journalists for signs of infestation before beginning the seasoning process, otherwise you are inviting critters into the place you store it. Bug infested journalists will spread bugs to any other journalists you have stored there.

Now when seasoning lumber, it is important to cut the wood to 1/4" thicker than the desired final dimensions and restack it with stickers between the boards and weights on top.

DO NOT do this with journalists. They will die.

I prefer my journalists seasoned like lumber. Just leave them in a dry space with lots of air movement for a year or two.

My wife let my kids pick out a snack at the grocery store. My 5 y/o daughter picked out a donut. My 8 y/o son picked out a giant load of French bread.

Dear Spellbook - A Complete Progression Fantasy Timeloop Box Set Amazon.com: Dear Spellbook - A Complete Progression Fantasy Timeloop Box Set eBook : Lee, Peter J. , Books, Portal: Kindle Store

My first series, Dear Spellbook, is now out as a box set. Read it now for $4.99 or listen for a single Audible credit.
a.co/d/02lRC7EA
#litrpg #progressionfantasy #booksky

"Sometimes I like to put my car in neutral with a brick on the accelerator and go take a nap."

It's 2000, I'm rushing through my school work to play Diablo 2.

It's 2026, I'm rushing through my work work to play Diablo 2.

Just cleared the Den of Evil for the first time in like 15 years.

Times are tough. Even Charlie had to get a job. Luckily he can work from home. He tends to run away.

And it turned out the real pedophile human sacrificing satanic cult were the friends we made along the way.

This is very obviously not actually me. Peter Lee is a very common name.

I'm apparently in the Epstein Files.
I can see it now on the cover of my next book.

"Peter Lee... Cool Guy"
-Epstein Files

Sure thing. We can do that. Just watch this ad and answer a few questions to verify you're human.

That's weird. you don't see this?

My body is a machine that turns any physical cash in my wallet into vending machine Coke Zeros.

Time for my annual reminder that I'm not good at trivia despite always thinking I'm going to be good at trivia.

Bar Fights and Blood Rites Adventurers and Chaos. Name a more iconic duo. Syril the bard and Grom the false cleric of a particularly vengeful god are wanted men trying to keep a low profile, a task often incompatible with thei...

www.royalroad.com/fiction/1504...