everything i touch just feels like an exercise in futility and makes me want to d*e

I work hard, put the effort in, really focus on the things I care about, and still just can't seem to get past how much I hate everything I do and how incompetent I feel

It'd be really fun to raid on DRG but the constant comments I get about being bad when I've already disclosed "I am not good at raiding on this job" seriously kills any desire I have to actually do it

I keep alternating between finally feeling okay again and wanting to drive off a bridge

learning that I'm apparently whiny when I'm in this state doesn't help either

not that I'm ever going to do anything but I just cannot shake the feeling of just Not Wanting To Live and I feel like I'm just a constant strain on those around me

💜

my heart just hurts constantly. I want to die.

I genuinely don't know how I'm supposed to handle what happened and still act like everything is normal

Okay so:
• My mother explicitly said she "does not approve" of my "decisions"
• I am no longer in the will
• My sister knows, my cousin outed me to her
• Mom has cried every day since o came out to her
• All conversation about my transition has been about how it impacts others

sick.

istg the worst part of getting sick is that the house goes to complete shit and I'm too weak to keep up with the mess 🫩

actually going insane that my best piece ever is going to reach like no one because it's """suggestive"""

alt text

I worked on this.... for two months... to get instantly slapped by the a automoderator

the crushing weight of bearing all the financial burdens and always putting yourself last

"Jenna you never buy yourself anything you need to treat yourself more" they say as if every scrap of disposable income I've ever had hasn't been put into this horrible house I didn't want or taking care of those I love

cracked shower pan causing water to leak behind the wall and onto our patio 🥴

I sincerely wish I could just stop hating myself as much as I do and enjoy doing *something* for the sake of doing it. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of falling apart and I don't know that to do anymore. Everything hurts all the time.

keeping my eyes and ears open for any opportunities that I can send your way 💜

nah you nailed it

wanting anything for myself is a selfish endeavor and I need to give up

lmfao the gender-affirming bikini i waited for all summer arrived and doesn't fit because my freak proportions apparently don't align with their size-checker so awesome

I'm unhappy with the progress of my creative and personal pursuits and still hate everything I make. All my time and energy go toward a never-ending loop of working entirely too much and maintaining a home. Anything I try to do for myself is a struggle. I can't even put in new earrings right. lol.

complete and total meltdown triggered by the fact that I'm turning 35 and am so utterly dissatisfied with the state of my life and my future

I know I'm not amazing at what i do or anything and maybe it's thinking about it the wrong way, but getting *some kind* of audience would at least be a little validating

like ultimately I make art for me, my friends, and for fun, but continuously posting into the void is a little demoralizing

kind of a huge bummer that the wip of a piece i spent like two weeks working on got more attention than the finished product 😮‍💨

the reality of slowly losing your ability to picture things in your head clearly is terrifying and devastating

on the bright side statistically ill die young and get taken down by a heart attack or stroke

just once I need someone to tell me they'll take care of things

i feel like I'm being pulled in too many directions and my best just isn't enough to keep up