I forgot what it felt like to be loved by someone who regulates your nervous system. It’s incredible.

Birds don’t just mimic human speech, they understand context. So when my bird is croaking into my ear “go potty?” while I crack the porcelain, it’s because she understands that this is my human shit perch

Friday at last…

“I came for the vibes and the wieners”

Things that can be said at either the baseball game or the orgy

Watching my friend pick figs from a tree while I splash around a pool on the most beautiful July afternoon. I am not meant for labor I am meant to be a weird fairy in a garden somewhere

A tiny Italian woman with road rage just drove us out to the suburbs to go swimming and I had no seatbelt on because we were too squashed to move our arms in the backseat and decided in that moment I actually do want to live

I went to a wedding yesterday and I looked hot as hell, so things are looking up on the self esteem front.

I have survived worse summers. I will survive this one.

Is that ear medication? I honestly don’t know but he absolutely said Olive Oil and I still think about this

Today an older gentleman called me by mistake while looking to refill his prescription olive oil. I have so many questions and there are no answers anywhere

I take breaks from reality of being an unhinged blue-haired girl IRL to play an unhinged blue-haired cat girl online

My job is really burning me out but that’s okay because at least I get to log off and live in peace with the state of the world

oh wait

World kind of sucks right now but this releases tomorrow, so let’s take our joy where we can.

What the world needs now is MORE MAJIMA

Anyone need a ride to the revolutionary war, my car will fit 4 more

I wish I could claim that I forgot about Bluesky for a cool reason but I am not out here touching grass, I’ve just neglected social media for a crippling MMO gaming addiction

MAGfest day one down. Will I ever learn to bring comfortable footwear to walk around a con all day? Outlook not so good

Final Fantasy XIV has me in a chokehold, I spent 6 solid hours playing yesterday.

Near, far
Wherever you park
You are fucked in this lot and
Your wait will go on and on

A girl posted that she was stoked about RFK Jr and hopes he would stick it to big pharma. Someone commented “he’s going to mandate brain worms in food” and her SERIOUS response was “what? I hope not. I didn’t hear about it I guess I need context before I can judge”

FB is great because it lets me read the absolute dumbest takes from strangers that have somehow landed on my friends list over the years

Jobs that get progressively worse the longer you stay at them 😍🥰🤗

My New Year’s resolution is to stop reading the comments. It’s the armpit of humanity. You’ll see a vid of a toddler feeding a bird and the comments are “ACTUALLY that bird is an invasive species and it’s ruining our country and you and your child should be shot.”

This link lets you text Resistbot to sign the petition. If telehealth coverage goes away it’s going to be bad news for all of us.

Being an aunt is fantastic. You don’t raise them, you become their favorite adult because you aren’t responsible for discipline and in return you gain a built-in Fortnite Duo partner with 2x better reaction time

I must correct this imbalance in the universe

It is only today that I realize my entire family forgot the Stove-top stuffing. That’s right folks, we enjoyed a delicious home-cooked meal without the addition of soggy, salty-bread cubes. I am appalled and wondering who we even ARE anymore

Oh yeahhhhh let me in on this. I love a good block list

It was super fun. We went to one in Maryland attached to a mall and that’s how I got to also experience bass pro. I spent so much time just staring into a huge tank of enormous river fish. Then I got to eat my plate of meat while a horse shit just a few feet away. Absolutely magical