Just smashed a chocolate baubal and god bless Xmas for making chocolate even more fun

Mother-in-law made my son a dicksab I mean a lightsaber...

Putting down Xmas decorations in January is easily the most depressing start to the year!

Only went and bought a fucking house!
From being homeless 6 years ago to being a home owner is massive for me and my family.

I've reached the point of packing for my new house where I no longer sort things but instead very tactfully throw everything into a stupid box and I'LL FUCKING DEAL WITH IT WHEN I'VE MOVED IN!

First batch of dates are onsale end of this week including all the big theatre shows in Glasgow, Aberdeen, Inverness and of course Dumfries.

MailChimp is pretty popular and straightforward to use but can get pricey.
Sender and Mailer Lite are also good and have free templates.

With #StormBert & Ernie now past us I look forward to Storm Kermit and the Rainbow Connection

a man with blue and white paint on his face stands in front of a crowd with the words hooooold written on the bottom ALT: a man with blue and white paint on his face stands in front of a crowd with the words hooooold written on the bottom

Me when Defying Gravity plays!

Good man!

Only this mask could make me ignore how adorable a cat is. I need this mask so I can justify my insane dance moves.

I hope Chris Rea has set off, he can't be late again, surely!

Watching Lost for the 108th time. Still incredible!

CHEESE! books are here!

Currently it's exclusively available to the people who backed my Kickstarter but CHEESE! will officially be published on the 9th December.

I've been working on this with Johnny Schumann since February - it's been an amazing (and exhausting) experience.

And obviously Ted Dibiase as Economy and finance secretary

Junkyard dog would've made a great Recycling and Waste commissioner

This is a lovely joke!

HHH is throwing his name in the ring for Secretary of Suck It

It's the cutting grapes in half that sends me over the edge, I'd rather them not eat grapes at all

Snap!

That book about African homosexuality is super informative though

It'll ease off, I go fairly regularly (not bragging) but if I've had a couple weeks off and then get back to it I really feel it

Right, let's talk about this. Even if you open them without splitting the packaging how the hell are you supposed to get it out of the top without ripping the packet??

Anyone else miss the OnlyFans bots and seeing aggressive porn when you're causally scrolling in a busy Costa?

a woman in a pink shirt is speaking into a microphone and saying how dare you ALT: a woman in a pink shirt is speaking into a microphone and saying how dare you

Me to everyone frolicking in the snow while I stare out into the grey abyss

Personally I love a classic tuna mayo but with a sprinkling of equal pay and diversity hires on top

So in like....20 years or so?

In the process of buying a house...why did nobody tell me carpet and flooring costs so damn much 😑

So tempted to send you Only Fans content and racial slurs...

See also the Cheers theme tune and The Rainbow Connection by one Kermit the Frog ☺️