ChatGPT, write me a Johnny Cash song where he shoots Buzz Aldrin dead on the surface of the moon

Should've never watched Interview With A Vampire, now I'm in trouble because I wouldn't mind control a room of people with my vampire powers for her. This is the slippery slope from "would you love me if I was a worm"

I've got over 10k sales on my Etsy and these days I just roll over and refund them. Easier to just accept the loss and move on than to fight them. That or go through the USPS claims process but that takes forever and mostly feels useless.

What a tease

It worked so well on flip phones, seemed like labias were the natural progression

When you gonna finally sue Sabrina for copying your aesthetic homework

Democrats would've loved to run a centrist diddler to bring the country together, if only they didn't keep expressing strong opinions about the human rights of Palestinians

I mean it's their fault for trusting me to pay them later

Wow, not even an honorable mention for She's A Right Old Cuppa Glycerine? Disrespectful

I can't help that the thought of being the only passenger on a quiet voyage gets my motor running.

Bad news, the random figure I got was fuckin TIEN come on dude

Me: yeah I go grocery shopping all the time

The groceries:

a medieval painting of three people poised to attack a giant snail

all my homies hate snails

An ivory chessman shaped like a wide-eyed viking warrior biting his own shield

this is me when i need a lil snack

Judging by recent trends, this button would probably see a lot of use.

Imagining pin-ups of a girl in a long pearl necklace side-eyeing the camera with a naughty grin and she drops her ballot into the box

THREADS LAUNCH DAY EXPERIENCE

@JimmyFallon: "Hey, cool new app, can't wait to talk about NFTs on here! #NewThreaders"

@WonderBread: "get this bread? more like get this threads"

@Haliburton: "You guys wanna see some our top ten favorite missile strikes? #ThrowbackThursday"

What went wrong?

UR NOT MY DOCTOR DONT TELL ME WHAT IS ESSENTIAL

I took pictures of creepy cicada husks near my apartment, so now you get to see them.

You don't want to be jumpscared by a loud autoplay video without warning? lol OK boomer

Illustrations of seven Modron from Dungeons and Dragons, bronze robots with goofy faces.

Apparently there's a race in D&D called the Modron and they're like immortal robots who are the ultimate harbingers of law and order. Anyway, they look like this and I would play as literally any of them in a heartbeat.

I think that the jargon and interface scare people off. It took me awhile to finally understand how to properly use it and I put it off because it seemed like it needed more attentiveness than I thought. FWIW the desktop app actually demystifies it a lot.

Wild how I used to check Tw*tter constantly, and now it's like a pile of old bookmarks in my browser that I fumble through looking for something I clicked "like" on casually five years ago.

Diogenes nuts in yo mouth

Summer is cool because your Jack Russell Terrier can hunt cicadas and you can listen to them scream in his mouth as he gobbles them up and it isn't horrifying at all

Never wrote a scientific paper, but I did teach junior high and high school and the idea carries over. Finding ways to communicate complex comp sci principles to tweens really helped me to refine my own understanding of them.

ur just jealous that u will never be anyone's hyperpop kitty

Wake up babe, new model of pick-me just dropped

PROTIP for any would-be spouse murderers: try to scrub the internet of any footage where you openly disparage that spouse on a popular TV game show.