Just a note for children's shirt designers: you can't just take the dimensions of the adult shirt and shrink them down! Please consider the head size differential when designing the neck openings of your shirts. Signed, M's mom.

Says @schumer.senate.gov

When my ex thought I'd been k1lled in a steam pipe explosion on the other side of town from where I was. And got mad at me for not checking in. After a disaster that I was not in.

Congressman Seth Green has more project management experience and more understanding of social issues than most repubs. I say give him a shot.

Gavin Newsom has the exact appearance and energy of the mayor in an 80s crime film who winds up at the end of the movie saying “Good detective work, Sergeant Bolan … too good” and then pulling a pistol. This is also who he actually is down to his bones.

When you're wiping down your toddler after dinner and pick a big crumb off their cheek and absently pop it in your mouth because waste not want not and turns out it was a booger

Done that (with Schumer)... a lot. He's not moved.

Don't forget IDEA and 504!

Finn would take one look at what's happening here and be like "Yeah no, I gots to stop this mess."

As your constituent, I'm looking forward to clarity on how exactly you're fighting for freedom and democracy. I keep calling, but your staff have stopped picking up.

The wolf is not just at the door; they're in the bed, wearing grandma's pajamas.

Am I the only one who can't seem to upload a pfp? I select, edit, and click the check mark; nothing happens. Am I missing a step?