Getting tased for saying "neener neener" to the NYPD

Wearing my emotional support Judas Priest tee shirt

🎵 I don't wanna work 🎵
🎵 I just wanna get preserved in this bog all day 🎵

Diane, it's 9:45 PM on April 15 and I'm about to eat the emotional support nachos I promised myself as a reward for filing my taxes

Diane, it's 9:35 AM on April 15 and I still haven't done my taxes

ChatGPT: you’re right you’re so much smarter than him. He’s so schlubby and you’re so suave. Columbo will never catch you.

Time traveling to Dallas on November 22, 1963 and running up to JFK's car, yelling "noooooooo" and diving in slow motion to hold up his nephew in front of him as a shield.

It's the melody part my brain just doesn't do 🤔

I definitely have a song stuck in my head at all times! But the mind radio never plays any originals lol

For some reason, this time I imagined Judge Holden wearing a human scalp with a vainly preened hair tumbleweed perched atop a caked-in-bronzer, dipshit Baby-Huey-lookin-ass motherfucker

Taking a mental health break from beholding the grim, absurd, cruel, and avaricious violence perpetrated by this country's leadership with one of my favorite comfort reads (Blood Meridian)

taking a much needed break from current events to read Dune, a story about a decaying decadent sociopathic patriarch going to war with desert-dwelling religious zealots, led by the son of a guy he killed, over the resource that underpins civilization-wide trade.

Wagner Moura in The Secret Agent saying "I'd kill him with a hammer."

Nuremberg was an important symbol of German nationhood so I say with 100% sincerity that this is a job for Philadelphia

Can't wait to talk about the Easter Miracle at lunch with my family (I showered)

(panel 1 - Title on a retro aviation poster) ICE's Airport Agents (panel 2 - ICE agent handling luggage roughly like a gorilla.) Luggage Abuser (panel 3 - A child in ICE gear with a lanyard around its neck.) Unaccompanied Goon sign, "Unaccompanied Goon" (panel 4 - A full-body x-ray of an ICE agent.) Divorced Skeleton (panel 5 - An ICE dog wearing a tactical vest.) Melanin-Sniffing Dog vest, "KKK-9" (panel 6 - An ICE agent asleep on a bench.) Duty-Free Federal Employee

ICE plays many vital roles at the airport. patreon.com/BrianMcFadden

I wonder what it must be like to be a musician. Like, your brain makes music?? All my brain makes is jokes and depression

9 panel comic Panel 1: The view from the cockpit of a spacecraft. Two green alien hands grip the controls. A planet can be seen in front of the ship. Panel 2: One of the alien hands move to the left and presses a red button. Two laser beams fire from the ship directing into the centre of the planet below. Panel 3: The planet begins to rupture under the force of the lasers. Panel 4: The planet completely explodes. The ship and the pilot are bathed in a blood-red glow. Panels 5, 6, and 7: The alien pilot turns the ship 180 degrees so he is facing empty space and the dying planet is behind him. Panels 8 and 9: The alien presses a green button and the space craft accelerates to warp speed. A dimensional rift opens in the distance. The viewing window fills with white light.

9 panel comic Panel 1: The alien space craft is travelling through a dimensional rift and is surrounded by white light. Panel 2: The ship comes out of warp drive. Through the viewing window we now see a reddish purple planet with rings around it. The alien’s home world. Panels 3 and 4: The space craft draws nearer to the planet. Panels 5 and 6: The craft drops down through the planets atmosphere. Through the dust of the rings and past the clouds. Panels 7, 8, and 9: The planet’s surface is revealed. It is jagged and harsh with a poisonous looking lake cutting through the landscape. The ship touches down, kicking up a cloud of dust.

8 panel comic Panel 1: We look down at the alien’s body as he removes his seat belt. Panels 2 and 3: The alien gets up and makes his way towards the large circular door at the back of the ship. Panels 4 and 5: The alien releases the door mechanism. He is home. He has destroyed an entire planet and population and he will face no consequences. Or so he thinks. Unfortunately for him, the door to his ship opens to reveal… Panel 6: Lieutenant Columbo standing on the planet’s surface. The detective is looking at a small black rift hovering in the air in front of him. He addresses the alien directly and says “Sir, is this a window into an endless void?” Panel 7: Columbo takes a closer look at the rift and continues, “Mrs Columbo wants one of these things” Panel 8: Tossing up his hands in mock exasperation, he adds “I said to her, why do you wanna stare into an abyss? We gotta tv!”

POV: You are an interdimensional alien warlord. You destroy an entire planet and its inhabitants then slip back into your own dimension, where you think you’ll be safe from consequences. But no. One man will make you pay for your crimes.

My apartment's very "Grey Gardens for poor people" but I'll have you know I'm working towards "just 'poor people'"

🎶 Cause I'm... hot blooded! Check it and see! 🎶
🎶 Someday, a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets 🎶

2007 me leaving college with vague hopes of being a writer, listening to Arcade Fire

MOST JARRING SMASH CUT POSSIBLE to

2026 me in a cubicle, listening to straight up monster screams over blast beats

Zero Lunch Thirty

What a time to be alive (derogatory)

Very annoyed that my primary anger response is crying, so I'm looking for an anger management class to get more explosive

Burzum is just Burzum for people who like Burzum.

I've been telling myself "just gotta make it to the weekend" since I was 12 years old

I don't want to shower and go to work, I wanna stay home and be disgusting

Ah well l, at least the creative process seems to be the same one I experience: doing nothing in particular -> electricity in brain performs bewildering processes -> joke

I actively tried to come up with a melody today and my brain immediately played the 8-bit Super Mario music

I wonder what it must be like to be a musician. Like, your brain makes music?? All my brain makes is jokes and depression

Discovered secret third option this morning: go to work and be disgusting