I don’t know why people were surprised when they figured out McDonald’s food stays forever. Everybody has at a least a couple of McDonald French fries under their car seat that’s been there since you bought it. #McDonalds

Wouldn’t that be cool if there was like an air conditioned space suit you could buy and wear during the summer? That would be awesome. Like today it’s 94 degrees with a heat index of 100 so that air conditioned space suit doesn’t sound that bad right now does it? : ) #jaxfl #florida

Haters gonna hate while I’m rapping in the sauna, because my rhymes make the sauna hotter. : ) #rap #sauna #jaxfl #florida

People say that if aliens exist, the government should tell us and I’m like man, no way. People weren’t ready for the Popeyes chicken sandwich. : ) #aliens #popeyes

Have you ever wished someone a happy birthday on their Facebook wall and they delete it? What’s what all about? #facebook
#facebookposts

Do people bring pee bottles or you know, empty Gatorade bottles on those small planes? I mean you gotta pee sometime in there. #planes

I think Kendrick Lamar should make a remix of Chappell Roan’s Pink Pony Club and call it Pink Homie Club and include Drake and they can squash their beef while they keep on dancing at the Pink Pony Club. Lol. : ) #chappellroan #pinkponyclub #KendrickLamar #Drake

Stevie Wonder wrote a song called I Just Called To Say I Love You. Kid Rock would never do that and even if he did you’d say that’s nice but how did you get this number anyways Kid Rock? You need to bahwitdabah loose this number bro. #StevieWonder #KidRock

3 things that I love about the summer in Florida.

1. Icecream
2. Air conditioning
3. Napping because I got too hot during the day.

#Jacksonville #Florida #Summer

Do comedy audiences like crowd work more than non interactive comedy shows? #comedians #comedyshows #crowdwork #comedyquestions

My favorite places are the shower, my bed and the recliner. Holla if hear me. Give it up for the shower, bed and recliner. #shower #bed #recliner #lazyboy

Every time my dog gets a bath and a haircut she gets a free bandana and I can’t help but wonder why I don’t get a free bandana when I get a haircut. #haircuts #bandana

Jacksonville, Florida. Take your shirt off. Wave it like a helicopter. #noshirt #jacksonvillefl

I think I’m gonna be no shirt guy this summer. The only time you need a shirt in Florida is when you’re at Publix anyways. Plus people listen to no shirt guy. Hey you need get that alternator looked at. Thank you no shirt guy. Have a good one. #noshirt #Florida

Things people won’t do in bluesky.

1. Like a post

2. Share a post

#thingspeoplewontdoonbluesky
#likeapost #shareapost

Things people will not share

1. Toothbrush

2. Butterfinger

3. Tv remote

#thingspeoplewillnotshare #toothbrush #butterfinger #tvremote

I like baseball but it’s also a great game to take a nap to. #baseball #naps #sports #sleep

I’m old but I don’t let it stop me from being angry at stuff. #old #brave #angry #stuff

Has anyone ever bought a juicer and kept using it past a couple of months? 99 problems but a juicer ain’t one. #juicer #99problems

I’m glad you are alright. I live in Jax and this is all they’re reporting about.

Hey you deserve love even if you wear the same shorts all the time and they’re jorts too. #love #relationships

If you had to pick between Cracker Barrel or Famous Amos which would it be? #CrackerBarrel #FamousAmos

I know it sounds silly but I love the rush of air conditioning when you walk into Publix. It’s like a breath of fresh air telling you come on in and enjoy. #Publix

Is anybody actually drinking that pickle lemonade at Popeyes? #popeyes #pickles

I saw this video on here and they wrote beated her up. That’s gonna be my new thing now. I’m gonna beated you up? What? Yeah. Beated you up. Well alright but you might want to work on your communication skills.

If you think about it. Dogs are pretty special. They smell everything and for the most part like it but as a person most smells are pretty unpleasant.

Things that make me happy

1. Cookies
2. Cake
3. Icecream

Alright 100 men vs a gorilla that had Taco Bell the night before.

Has a mechanic ever been paid with sex because that seems like it would happen all the time? Especially, if they were a good mechanic.

If you see a grown woman wearing pajamas in public, she’s in battle mode. Yeah she has those big Minnie Mouse house slippers on but she’s ready to scrap.