“they’ll let you die if it comes down to you and the baby!” yeah and before they were here do you really think the policy wasn’t that?

our local hospital got bought by the mercy health system a few years ago and some people in town tried to get weird about “don’t have a baby there!” and my friend, are you not familiar with the southern baptists that were already there and will still work there

there were a couple of cards with it that looked like that was the deal, yeah!

Auntie's Sentence, costs one and one black. A goblin warlock on the left is cursing a beautiful elf lady. I am not the elf lady. Maybe I'm the frog on the log next to the goblin. Who can say

oops i just found two cards that are worth a lot of money so now i can't make fun of his cards lol

I asked him if this was a personalized proxy card and Joven was his alter ego and he threw a pillow at me! pfft

A magic the gathering card that costs three and two red. It’s from the Homeland set in 1995, the internet tells me, and it’s Joven. The card is a summon legend spell, and what a legend Joven is. He’s a portly guy with long hair and eyeliner and a goatee, a leather vest and an arm cuff. I think I’ve seen him at every bar I’ve ever been to. It’s D&D JD Vance, guys

I started playing Magic, I’ve bought some random things and now I’m sorting through my husband’s old cards and who the hell is this, I can’t stop laughing

EARLOBES ARE NOW BATTLEFIELDS

"left is right, right is wrong" 🤪

Shut the fuck up

It’s okay, my culture is totally a costume (mandatory and enforced)

Speaking of reintroducing challenges, you could hire back actual journalists and stop publishing stuff from freelancers who, if they’re not AI, sound like it and write stuff like “9 Surprising Things You Should Clean with Dishwasher Tablets” (real!)

oh yeah, wounded and disfigured, i saw them at a show in 87

Apparently we felt we didn’t eat enough earlier because later we had some focaccia with burrata and tomatoes and basil, here it is on what is normally the thanksgiving turkey platter. This disappeared quickly.

A round, two-layer chocolate cake with chocolate icing between layers and on the top. Some slices have been cut out. The cake is so chocolatey that if the photo quality isn’t good, it’s because the photographer has the sugar shakes. We had Mexican food and then this cake, I’m so sleepy

After the food and cake, son #1 got out this monstrosity which is a PlayStation 1, a Sony Trinitron, and a Bose radio for sound. We played Bomberman, and I only won one level out of like 40. Still a good time though

another horrible thing the mormons are responsible for

i'd always heard the saying as "wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which one gets filled first" but i guess it's different in florida

Markwayne Mullin Is Hustling Backward - The Pickup That and other observations from Mullin’s DHS confirmation hearing

I watched today’s hearing thepickup.com/markwayne-mu...

yeah, he seems like a really nice dude but i can't say this makes much sense to me

A beautiful steel desk-chair with a red cushion

I will be sitting in this chic French library desk-chair until conditions improve

i just leave it in the cart for the next person anyway so it's not even the aldi quarter of theseus, i don't know why i said that other than liking the idea lol

i guess i have the aldi quarter of theseus because i'm still unloading my stuff onto the belt while they're scanning and throwing my groceries into another cart, so i leave with a different cart than i came in with

Maybe if your head is shaped like an egg, you feel fewer emotions, I dunno

well as usual, blank slates are the easiest to project on

I’m a squishy liberal you guys tolerate and even i’m more progressive than a guy who worked for blackwater now, come on

it's the only good thing about the casinos being built down here imo

i will now have "fragile" stuck in my head for the rest of the day and be chuckling at the thought of his little ponytail and pirate shirt in the video

my sister and i are going to go see him in may and i'll pretend to only enjoy the police stuff but i know all the words to the other stuff too, not escaping the allegations there

$100 million of this is Diamondback in Watonga so this number isn’t all going to local and state law enforcement agencies, but that’s just quibbling on my part - it’s all blood money just the same. Oklahoma citizens will feel (and be) less safe in their homes and on the roads because of this.