hot dog

Good thing they're also extremely fragile!

Some people say you don't know unconditional love till you have kids and I never believed that and still don't, but what I personally did not know before having a baby is the full range of stress and anxiety my body is capable of producing and withstanding

Baby has started doing a thing where she sort of launches herself in one direction using the weight of her head and I think it's causing my body to produce a brand new kind of stress hormone that will kill me very soon

I want a Democratic Party that fights fascism as hard as my baby fights me trying to get boogers out of (or off) his nose.

Asking my husband if he would still love me if I had surgery to look 20% like a pig, what about 40%, what about 60%, and so on, and when we get to 100% he goes "I don't know if we'd have a romantic relationship if you were 100% a pig"

https://www.theonion.info/

Bill Burr X Sublime tour

Headline screenshot: US Navy releases photos of fresh meals, pushes back on reports of food shortages on middle east warships

Scene from Battleship Potemkin where the Tsarist naval doctor signs off on rotten meat for the sailors

If this were true (it's not) he would feel extremely unsafe saying this

If I draw a dude running on the side of the car it will go faster and have about the same effect people like here.

WELCOME TO TOMODACHI LIFE CUNO

Rollo looks at quiche

Rollos a little closer. Sniffing it. Wide eyes

Rollo sees a slice! He's nuts for it

HE GETS IT GOOD BOY

Hate to read this as someone who intermittently switches to decaf to be "healthier"

Me trying to quickly think up a fake name but the only other object in the room is the president

I've been saying this

"Hey sweety, Wild Hogs (2007) is now available on Tubi", I call into the other room. There is no response. Because no one is there. They were never there to begin with. My voice carries throughout the empty house, and into the endless dead streets. The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Megamind “NO BITCHES?” meme with Boss Baby aka Megamind

Yeah there’s that famous Megamind meme with him in it

I'm open to this

The boss

I've also read this in various books and journal articles

Okay? Me too

Defend your position

Just burned through a whole sleeve of Honees. We are so back

Frank Herbert I apologize for ever doubting you

I'm not even going to click this there's enough going on right now

I love working at the layoff factory

30% of my job right now is listening to my boss talk about layoffs

small gray cat tucked into a pile of clothes up against a suitcase on a high shelf, in moody light

tochka noire

lol